the weird thing about birthdays....

you try to pretend that it doesn't matter that most people dont remember

but really...you want them to remember...

but nobody REALLY cares that its your birthday except you...and maybe your parents

Its interesting. I find myself oddly nostalgic at random times. Ok, not completely random....i know what triggers these moments, but i still remain nostalgic all the same.

Sometimes I feel weird talking aobut such moods, but then I realize that it is what it is. On Christmas night I watched an nsync video clip. I watched this clip and laughed, and smiled, and for a moment, felt like i did when i was 20. It really is a weird feeling. To be so wrapped up in a group, in the music they produce and the excitement that comes with following their every move. Its no wonder to me why I still get these pangs. My life has not changed that much since then. Sure, I'm older, and I have had more life experiences, and I'm even in graduate school now...but in so many ways I still feel like that young girl. Perhaps it is because I'm currently single, so my life has not progressed past dreaming about those guys that I could never have, and probably wouldn't actually want...i just find it so interesting. These moments that take me back, and for an instant after the flashback is over, I wish my life was as simple as it was in those days.

Then reality sets in, and I must come back to the present, to a world that seems much more jaded...and I must continue to seek those things which make me feel good, which make me feel whole.

not to sound dramatic or anything...but papers SUCK.

I have 60 pages worth of papers to write this week. Actually...58, I'm on the top of page 3 for the first paper. I think I'm psyching myself out though. I keep almost getting on a roll, then realize that I'm doing well and kinda know what I'm saying, then I stop. Kind of aggrivating, but that tells you about the level of my commitment. I am however, proud of myself for being this far along. The paper isn't due until Wednesday, and I'm already on page 3...that's big for me. But, because I have so many papers due this week, I don't have much choice. Now, if only I could get myself to write more...like I know I can.

On a random side note...Anne saw a mouse in our house today. We've heard it for a couple days in the vent downstairs, but hadn't actually seen it til today. Our landlord was like "no one has ever complained about them before." Ok...but we've really seen one...geez. She at least brought traps by. SO GROSS. And it was seen in the kitchen, so now I need to go through our pantry and make sure they haven't found a way inside there...HIfoe;wjafkldasjfoi;ewajfkld;sa

SO GROSS.

I feel like lately I complain more than I talk about the good stuff going on.

today, I feel a balance of both.

coming off of such an amazing week/weekend with my family has been so healthy for me. I spent two different nights at home, very much enjoying both nights. Sometimes being in my childhood room is just what the doctor ordered. Seeing my whole family on Thanksgiving day was wonderful...as was the whole food. My mom and I cooked a traditional german meal on Saturday of Sauerbraten, speatzle, and cabbage. SO YUMMY!! It was great.

Last night I had a friend over. One who I thought I was really excited to see and hang out with. Turns out, the ties that had been somewhat severed, were severed for a reason. He kept telling me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me. Thing was, he said that, and I had no emotion, and I actually couldn't wait for him to go home. Weird. a year ago, I never would have guessed that I wouldn't care much for this guy. A year ago he was one of my best friends. We started dating, and then didnt see each other for a good 8 months or so. I realize now, I didn't even miss him. I'm alright with it. Just strange.

Feelings are crazy. How some people I feel something for EVERY time I see them. And others, I don't think about much. People who have in theory had the same amount of impact...

Anyway, today I'm working on homework and getting very tired of looking up definitions. Only 20 to go! Yay!

I hate my life today.

Only because I have 2 papers to write, 2 books to finish reading, and one other book to read. All so I can write the two papers.

I really really want this semester to be over.

On a happier note, I figured out my schedule for next semester - which will be awesome.

Wednesday: 9:30-12 Exegesis: Resurrection Narratives
Thursday: 8:15-10:45 Pastoral Care: Sexuality, Gender Identity, and Orientation
Thursday: 5:00-7:30 History of Christianity I: Early and Mideval

And that is all folks. Beautiful I tell, absolutely beautiful.

Actually, that makes today happy. Ask me that again around 10pm though, and i'll be back to hating today.

So the truth is, i have more homework than I can deal with at the moment.

However...I don't have a choice but to do it all. If I can get to the other side of the mountain of a week, I will be heading to LOS ANGELES!!! I haven't been since I moved away, and I need the ocean! I need the Grove! I need my BEST FRIEND! A week from today I will be in LA, and I couldn't be more frickin excited!!!

i'm trying to convince myself that mind over matter works. however, I was home by 10:30 on a friday night out with the girls. Sucks I tell ya.

We did make crepes at Kayla's tonight. And, I am reminded again how much I love crepes with nutella and banana!! I ate them many many times a day in Paris, and tonight I had 3! they were very small crepes, so it wasn't quite as much as it sounds like. Fabulous either way.

This weekend is homecoming for TCU! Yay! Football game tomorrow, hopefully we finally win another game. We've not done so hot the last couple games. But, its against SMU, so...should be a breeze. If we lose, I won't give up on TCU, but uh, I may give up on the season. haha.

Ok, body is rebelling, sleep is inevitable!!