So...its about that time of year again. Finals are upon me...and I'm procrastinating, once again.

I know, I know...you are all shocked.

I'm actually "working" right now on a 5000 word paper...or updating my blog. Either way you want to look at it.

I hate finals, I feel like they put so much pressure on you, I wish there was a way to not have to take finals, that the work we have done throughout the semester should be used as a better reflection for what I have learned, rather than what i can remember during a 2 hour time frame two weeks after class has finished. Blah. Although, I guess the paper isn't only being done in two hours...but really...5000 words?!?

Anyway - at least I have Vanilla Biscotti coffee and freshly baked cookies to get me through the evening.

Yesterday was an amazing day... Anne, Katie, and I went to Southlake to see Anne's dress. She looks STUNNING in it. Jeff is going to crap his pants when she starts walking down the isle! Yay!

It was funny - while we were at lunch Katie and Anne were pumping me for more info about Aaron. He makes me SO happy! I'm glad things are going so well with him.

He does this thing where he tells me at LEAST twice a day that I'm great, awesome, wonderful. Take your pick, he says it. And, he makes me smile nonstop.

Yeah.

That's all I've got to say about that. I'm taking him to dinner with my parents next week. =o)

Tagged

CanDance tagged me...so here I go.

7 Things you may not know about me.

1. I'm completely OCD when it comes to putting lotion on my feet. I can't put my feet under the covers of my bed unless I put lotion on right before hand.
2. I've been working on a cross-stitch for my dad for over 2 years. If I keep going at the rate I am this moment - it will be done for Christmas.
3. Monkey is my favorite animal - I sleep with one every night.
4. I can't imagine doing any other job but ministry - it is my life, my calling, my passion
5. I've been keeping a journal since I was 15 with the intent to give it to my daughter when she is 15...I guess that's assuming I have a daughter.
6. I'm addicted to TV on DVD...it makes me happier than buying a movie
7. I am directing TBA Chi-Rho Midwinter in Jan/Feb...woo!

Eh - I'd tag people, but no one would do it...so if you want to, do it. =o)

Hm... Meeting the parents?

Kind of exciting idea/prospect.

Aaron just invited me up to Missouri for a couple days at Christmas... his parents would pay for my ticket. Kinda freaks me out, but makes me excited at the same time. I dunno...I'm just saying.

Guess its moving along.

I'm still extremely happy.

This week he is at home, and I miss him. I've gotten so used to seeing him a lot, and its weird to not see him for a whole week.

Anyway - that's my life. Guess the next step is for him to meet my parents. Guess it makes sense for him to meet mine before I meet his - if only because mine live here...and his are in another state. Haha.

I don't do cold well - Missouri in winter = COLD...but it'll be worth it if we can get dates to work out. =o)

I awoke with a start. There was a loud ripping noise outside my door and the pounding of feet running down stairs. My heart rate accelerated greatly. This was it. After almost a month of trying, the time had finally come. I hear the feet come back up the stairs and a beating noise happen that causes the awful ripping noise to finally stop. It's over.

"Did you get it?" I yell.

"That wasn't a mouse...it was an 8 in rat!"

a full body shudder took over me. I have been living with a rat for over a month.

Our landlord has not been doing anything, until I finally told her we had to try something else besides poison because the 'mouse' had eaten through my shoe last night. Guess that should have been a clue that it wasn't a mouse. Anyway. She brings by two heavy duty crazy strong sticky traps. Jeff sets up the line of defense just inside the door the thing was always going into.


The boys are laughing and excited. Anne and I are completely grossed out and tell Jeff he has to stay in case we catch the mouse because we don't want to deal with it.

Thank God he stayed. Anne couldn't look at the rat, although she did see it. I couldn't even open my door until I knew that it was gone from the house. SO GROSS. All of this happened at 6:40 this morning. What a wake up call.

Hopefully, there was only one. Guess we'll find out. We put out the second sticky trap, I just hope we don't have to deal with another one...that ONE was scary enough.

Now, I have to finish a paper, and Anne and I have decided to clean our entire house cleaner than it ever has been before. Every inch of this house will be cleaned. We are getting new rugs for the upstairs...because...ewwww....

NASTY!

So...I guess I'm dating someone.

Haha. I love that I say it as "guess". I say it that way because its been all of 2 weeks... and we definitely haven't come close to trying to define it yet. So...more details I suppose as/if it becomes more concrete (which, its looking that way).

Anyway - I'm happy...and I feel smiley a lot. That's good.


Em is coming into town next week!! I'm so flippin excited! Its out of the blue and makes me super happy. We're going to go see HSM3, because we are that awesome.

I need to buy my tickets to see Twilight at midnight. Guess I should get on that in the next couple of days.

Hm...I had a lot more to update on, but I just looked at the time, and I have an 8am class...so, I should head to bed now so I'm not a complete grouch in the morning!

Retreat this weekend - I'm SO ready.

I have the greatest youth in the world.

Today at church I did basically the whole service. And, they did a little service thing commissioning me as a licensed minister. It was really sweet - my dad even came up there to help and prayed over me. It was an amazing experience.

Anyway, I get to Chi-Rho tonight, and they are all being super secretive about something - not letting me walk into certain rooms at certain times. I knew something was up, but I just played along - getting upset with them at times when I felt like I should care about the fact that they weren't doing the activity. But, they did all come in for awhile to work on the liturgical dance we are doing in worship next week. They look so amazing. Seriously, I get chills every time I watch them.

Anyway - as we were leaving worship time, the kids ran downstairs as fast as they could but then told me that I wasn't allowed to go into the fellowship hall. So, I stood out in the hall for awhile, and one of my HS kids came into the hall to distract me while they finished their surprise.

So, I finally am told that I can come into the fellowship hall...and they had made a whole party for me! They set up one of those super old projectors (think HS... transparencies, etc.) and had written on there saying "congrats deb! we love you!" really big on the wall. They also made me a cake and had blown up balloons, and they got me a key chain as a present. They were so excited about it. They are too precious for words.

The mom who was there tonight helping made sure to come up to me and tell me that she had no part in it - the girls had planned it all themselves and worked all afternoon on making the cake.

I love my chi-rho girls. They are amazing and never let me forget why it is I love being called into ministry...

So, tomorrow I have a test in my Christian Social Ethics class.

I'm fairly certain I have never been quite so unprepared for a test before. At least I am in the same boat as everyone else in my class that I have talked to. Well...besides Paul - I'm pretty sure that he will be the one to break the curve. He's crazy smart and read each of the reading twice before class the FIRST time around - so I'm fairly certain he will get an A on the test. everyone else??? Could be a very different story.

Instead of studying tonight we spent a good 45 minutes playing on the palinaspresident.com website. It just made me laugh a lot. =o) "ooooh...he looks important" hehe.

Anyway - time to sleep so I can spend all day before my class at 5:30 preparing...maybe I'll know enough to at least get a C.

Twilight!

So, the full trailer for Twilight was released Thursday evening. Lets talk about my excitement regarding this movie. I've watched this about twenty times... I can't wait for Nov. 21!

I have to say...I love my Stumble Upon Button - especially for those times when I'm kinda bored but have noting in particular that I care to look at/read/etc. I've gotten my entire family hooked on it, and we often share links with each other. Amazing how we so seldomly stumble on the same pages.

Anyway - as I was stumbling tonight, I came across this poem, and I think it is beautiful, so I figured I would share!


The Invitation
by Oriah Mountain Dreamer

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.

I have a really hard time writing papers that I think are pointless. Don't get me wrong, I tend to hate writing EVERY paper that I have to write, but this one is kinda taking the cake. This paper is not teaching me anything, other than to put different vocabulary to ideas I already know and experience. That isn't really the problem either, the actual problem is that the vocab I have to use, is stuff I will NEVER use outside of the academic setting. And this is a paper for Christion Education and all I am doing is writing down what my church does for its Christian Ed. seriously?? UGH. And I have to write 9-12 pages on it? Seriously, every person from my church that I told about this paper said "how are you going to come up with 9-12 pages of stuff to say about this church?" Ok...that in itself is probably bad...but seriously. UGH. Anyway, I hate papers...when is graduation?? oh right...NEXT December or May. *sigh* I'm so ready to be done.

Anyway. My Chi-Rho kids are working on this awesome liturgical dance. We started it last night...they were picking it up pretty fast! I'm proud of them. We'll do it in church in a few weeks! I'm excited...it will be fun, and the pain I am currently in from the practice will totally be worth it! =o) Plus, I think ALL of my youth will be at retreat this year! Well...assuming I can get my HS kids to see Twilight before we head down. Is it bad if I bring them all late b/c we went to the movie??? hahahaha. I wouldn't do that, but it sure is tempting!

Ok - I'm only on page 3 of 9...I should go write more...8am is going to come awfully quickly!

No Day But Today

The other night I went to see Rent on the Big Screen. I don't understand why they have never released the live show taped for the big screen before. It was so much better than the movie version (don't get me wrong, I love the movie version...but I just love the show live even better). Anyway...I've been on such an emotional high since then.

Then, today, got the listing for the Dallas Summer Musicals...guess what is coming in May?? That's right RENT!! WOOHOO! This show makes my life. =o)

Tonight I bonded with the parents of the little girl I'm babysitting. We sat around and talked sports and politics for a good hour after they got home. I got paid for that hour too...weird. haha. I'm certainly not going to complain. =o)

This week is going to be super super busy. But, I just need to make it through the week and next week I'm going to San Antonio with my mommy on Vacation!! Yay!!

Even the best laid plans...

Yeah - I never made it to the gardens today. See...it all started with Anne made coffee here at the house. That means I didn't have to go to Sbucks because I have FREE coffee here. And I don't know what Anne does to the coffee - but seriously...she makes it so tasty!

I finished my homework in a timely manner - or what would have been a timely manner if I didn't get so distracted by Twilight Fic. I know, I know...I really should stop. But, its so fun to be in fantasyland for awhile. Believe me, you read enough Theologies of Religions and you need a break. Plus, I don't have any more chapters of Em's book...so I can't distract myself with her world - and Twilight fic is just so accessible. Seriously.

We have to post a question and our reasoning behind asking the question in my Theologies class every week. I kinda adore this class, I'm not going to lie. Reasonable amount of reading every week (no more than 50 or so pages)...and very thought provoking conversation. Anyway...my question for the week: "Does organized religion, in itself, limit God?" Ponder that for awhile. If for some reason that thought tickles your fancy - let me know your thoughts on it... I'll share if you do. =o)

I did, however, find a check for $100 written to me 4 years ago. That means I can't deposit the stupid thing...and I don't know how to get a hold of/don't care to get a hold of the person who wrote it. I never would have been annoyed had I never found the check. But I did...and now I want that money. Perhaps I'll do some investigating and mail the check back to the person with a letter that says "you asked me not to deposit this when you gave it to me...i realize its been 4 years and you probably never want to talk to me again, but I'd really appreciate it if you would send me a check I can now deposit. You weren't worth the money I gave you." Somehow though, I doubt that would be a very smart option. And, it's not a very nice thing to do. Instead - I'll just pretend that I did such a thing... and forget that I ever saw the check. I did keep it though...probably to torment myself about the fact that I should have $100. Doesn't matter that I long ago would have used the money. =o)

AAAAND...random: I made cookies tonight...ok, they were only break and bake - but sometimes the end of the evening warm fresh baked cookies are the best thing in the world. I'm just sayin...

Despite never making it to the gardens...today was quite a fabulous day...not going to lie.

I was looking for a poem that would say what I am currently feeling without me saying anything specific about myself. Guess that would be much easier if I knew exactly where to play my current emotion.

I plan to spend part of my afternoon tomorrow reading for class at the Botanic Gardens...by myself. I'm going to stop at Starbucks, and then head over with my blanket and book. I'm also going to take my journal and my SLR...with film. That's right, I'm going to go old school...I love shooting film. Digital is great, but there is something about film...a magic quality that you don't get with digital. Maybe part of it is the suspense of how the film will turn out....like waiting to see how God is working in life.

Part of my supervised ministry this semester I made a plan to better my personal prayer life. I wrote that I would do this something like 2 weeks ago, and I've only spent one day really doing what I said I would. Tomorrow seems like the perfect day to spend quality time with God. Perhaps that emptiness I feel will vanish, and relief and love and hope will replace it completely. I think a good afternoon alone with God is exactly what I need right now.

So many things are going so well in my life. I am challenged and I am pushed to grow. I am seen as a role model and a blessing. I am a friend, a daughter, a sister...
I am LOVED.

Two posts in one night - i don't remember the last time I did that.

I've just spent the past 45 minutes or so reading through this blog.

I've learned a couple things about myself:
1. I make a lot of list-y type entries (ha)
2. I complain about school a lot - but I actually love it
3. I sound way angstier than I actually think I am
4. Sometimes I was really vague about a person in the entry... and as I look back - I'm not POSITIVE who some of those entries were referring to. Especially one where I said I was going to go on a date... what? I went on a date? with who? why do I not remember this??? haha. maybe its better that I don't.
5. Sometimes I sound much smarter than I usually feel

Hm...I don't know why I felt the need to post this entry. But, I don't know. Stuff just strikes your fancy sometimes.

OK - back to reading Twilight fanfiction... because I'm obsessed....and this way Em can totally make fun of me. Some of it is REALLY good!!

Oh - and I totally told my HS youth tonight that if their parents allowed it (and if the movie theaters do it) that I would let them come to see Twilight with me at Midnight. This came up because one of my fabulous youth said that she can't go to Fall Rally because Nov. 21st is the day Twilight comes out. And she wasn't kidding. Haha. So, since I am as obsessed (and probably almost more-so) than the rest of my youth, I told them that I would take them at midnight if their parents allowed and as long as they promised to still wake up and go to school. Probably not the smartest decision I've ever made... but uh. I want to see the movie at midnight, and I want all of my youth at Fall Rally... Desperate times call for desperate measures. That's right - our dinner conversation at youth tonight consisted of TCU football and Twilight series (both the books and the movie!) I have the best youth group ever!

However, I officially have 1 boy coming to Chi-Rho, and if he comes back again (which, he said he will) 1 boy in CYF. That's right friends. HMCC will no longer be able to claim itself as an all girl youth group. Whatever will that do for our idea of pink and teal shirts?!?

Ok - I really try to not talk about politics too much in the public realm. Partially because I am a minister...and I like to keep some semblance of peace with people I come in contact with. Unless you're my friend and have a real conversation with me about it, then you'll see how passionate I can be (some weeks more than others)

Anyhow. I'm going to go out on a limb and post this anyway - because it makes me laugh...a lot...and every time I see it.

So...true story. Being a Divinity School student I spend a LOT of time reading all things religion. Anyway - one of my classes this semester is Christian Theologies of Religion. I love this class. It fascinates me and makes my head hurt at every turn.

Last week we read this poem...and I absolutely love it.

To the Unknown God (1864)
Once more, before I wander on
And turn my glance forward,
I lift up my hands to you in loneliness —
You, to whom I flee,
To whom in the deepest depths of my heart
I have solemnly consecrated altars
So that
Your voice might summon me again.

On them glows, deeply inscribed, the words:
To the unknown god.
I am his, although until this hour
I've remained in the wicked horde:
I am his—and I feel the bonds
That pull me down in my struggle
And, would I flee,
Force me into his service.

I want to know you, Unknown One,
You who have reached deep into my soul,
Into my life like the gust of a storm,
You incomprehensible yet related one!
I want to know you, even serve you.

--Nietzsche

Anyway. i think it is beautiful...and captures an essence that I think we all often feel...

Been thinking/praying with this poem tonight and thought that I would share.

My head hurts. Like, I've been getting my migraines a lot again. It comes in phases, and I'm not sure why NOW its getting bad again. It is very frustrating however.

I'm babysitting a new little girl. She is PRECIOUS, and I can already tell that I'm going to really enjoy watching her. She is crazy smart...and very very mobile for a kid her age. Plus, it pays well, so I can't complain about that.

Bought Grey's Season 4 today. Now I need to watch it. Not too much longer and the new season will start! yay!

I'm not very exciting today. Oh well.

RISK
Author unknown

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to others is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.

The person who risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave,
they forfeited their freedom.

Only the person who risks can be free

And - because I feel like it while I watch TV alone at home like a LOSER on a Friday night...

Honesty Quiz
Honestly, how many people have you completely fallen for?
3 - although the love was different with each of them - if that makes any sense

Honestly, what color is the shirt you're wearing now?
blue

Honestly, what's on your mind?
that I shouldn't be eating what I am right now if I actually want to lose any weight this week

Who can you honestly have intellectual conversations with?
just about anyone willing to

Honestly, what are you doing right now?
eating mac n cheese and watching Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy

Honestly, have you done something bad today?
nope - other than not eating all the veggies I should have today

Honestly, do you watch "Shot of Love" with Tila Tequilla?
i've never even seen part of an episode

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
friends, family, people at my church

Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
yes and no - i'm ok being a recluse

Honestly, do you have deep secrets?
like you dont even know.

Honestly, who do you want to kiss?
There is one person...now that you mention it. not so sure he would also want to kiss me though

Honestly, are you an honest person?
I'm not perfect...

Honestly, do you like someone?
I guess you could say that

Honestly, who was the last text you got from?
Anne

Honestly, what are you sick of?
not having as much money as i'd like

Honestly, what do you want right now?
to start the process of finding someone to settle down and start a family with

Honestly, are you desperate?
in no way, shape, or form

Honestly, have you ever made anyone cry?
yes... not one of my finer moments

Honestly, are you normally a happy person?
I think I am... I've been relatively angsty recently

Honestly, what makes you mad?
many things, i try not to think too much though

Honestly, what is your greatest fear?
Failure. Being alone.

Honestly, what would you do if you walked in on your GF/BF(cheating)?
that would involve having one. I'd probably start crying and turn out of the room

Honestly, would you rather have your family member or 1000 strangers?
I guess a family member - what a weird question

Honestly, when was the last time you said I love you?
earlier today on the phone with my sister

Honestly, are you a "relationship person"?
I dont even know - i want to be in a relationship though

Who is the last person you hugged ?
sister

Honestly, if someone came up to you and said your bf/gf is hot, what would
you do?
say "who?"

Honestly, are you in love right now?
uh... no?

Honestly, what color is your underwear?
green

Honestly, what did you do today?
ha - not much. It was a pretty lazy day. I read a lot

Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
Often

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Yeah

Honestly, do you bite your nails?
yeah

Honestly, what is your mood right now?
content

Honestly, do you want someone right now?
oh yeah...haha

Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
nope...creepy

Honestly, does anyone like you?
I have NO idea. I'm sure someone likes me, but do they LIKE me? seems severely doubtful

Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
read above.

Lets talk about my current frustration level. I'm pretty sure on a scale of 1-10 its at about 112.

Why you ask?

Because, despite the fact that I am most decidedly not a teen girl - I LOVE and am slightly obsessed with the Twilight series. The news about Stephenie no longer working on Midnight Sun because someone leaked it frustrated the poop out of me. I realize that right now she's probably too hurt and pissed to work on it, but to tell everyone she may not finish it?!? Really? When I read the first chapter of this book so long ago, I was SO excited. The series from Edward's perspective was phenomenal. She is so angsty and not so...whiney(?). It brought a dimension to the series that is seriously amazing. I don't know.

The fans had been given absolutely no timeline for when the book was going to come out. So, she could have even taken six months or a year to cool off and get back to writing then finish the book and we would have been none the wiser. Instead, she goes and acts unprofessional and puts up the 12 chapters on the net in order to what? Stop writing the book? Because it was leaked? You seriously are going to hurt your fans because someone that you trusted hurt you? It really does sadden me.

I didn't even want to read the first 12 chapters... I only did because she posted them on her website. I wish I hadn't. I REALLY wish I hadn't. Now I see how wonderful this book was going to be - dare I say that it was well on its way to being the best book she had written so far?

But now it is on hold indefinitely.

Let's hope that after the release of the movie that she gets excited again and gets back in the mood to write more. My hope is that maybe she did this just to...I don't know. Keep her name in the press? As if it wasn't there enough. But maybe this provides a way to get people off her back about the book. Maybe she'll finish it on her schedule and still put it out in a couple years. I would think that she is contractually obligated at this point to finish the book... hm...

And then i have to stop and wonder... why do I care so much?

It seems as though I have deeply neglected blogging recently. In a way this blog is a form of therapy...a place for me to be me without any care whether anyone else cares or not. A place for me to be my angsty self, despite the fact it is the part of me that I like the least. To document one's journey through life is a nice way to leave some sort of imprint in the world, however small it may be.

A random comment brought me back. Perhaps I shall now use this opportunity to revisit this life of blogging. It certainly can't hurt.

And now for some random fun.

YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD. NO EXPLANATIONS.

1. Yourself: exhausted
2. Your Lover: imaginary
3. Your Hair: up
4. Your Mother: amazing
5. Your Father: daddy
6. Your Favorite Item: laptop
7. Your Dream Last Night: deep
8. Your Favorite Drink: water
9. Your Dream Home: enough
10. The Room You Are In: mine
11. Your Pet: memory
12. Who You Are Now: minister
13. Who You Want To Be In Ten Years: minister
15. What You Don't Wanna Be: depressed
16. Your Best Friend: emily
17. One of Your Wish List Items: money
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: class
20. What You Are Wearing: clothes
21. Your Favorite Weather: cool
22. Your Favorite Book: twilight
23. The Last Thing You Ate: banana
24. Your Life: busy
25. Your Mood: annoyed
26. Your Favorite Store: target
27. Your Favorite Sport: basketball
28. Favorite Memory: europe
29. Who Do You Miss Right Now: him

the weird thing about birthdays....

you try to pretend that it doesn't matter that most people dont remember

but really...you want them to remember...

but nobody REALLY cares that its your birthday except you...and maybe your parents