An hour

An hour on the phone with my best friend allows me to:

1. hear about the exciting things happening with her
2. Share the awesome weekend I had in Brownwood.
3. Rant about relationships
4. Talk about QAF - our favorite TV show ever
5. discuss our lack of luck in guys
6. Tell memories of when we lived in the dorm, our apt. at Oak Hill, and our apt. by the grove
7. Talk about my sister's adventures in India
8. discuss my trip to see her in W.F. over Easter
9. discuss my need to go out there
10. Her to tell me about her new apartment
11. Talk about Britney
12. Talk about how we miss living together
13. Talk about how we miss each other
14. Talk about how we miss our random talks laying on one of our beds
15. how we miss our random ideas that lead to us doing random trips

and so much more.

Why do we live so far apart from each other? She's seriously my bff.

I'm glad she's doing good in LA, I just miss her being around...living with someone for 6 years and then not living together will do that to you.

Wow

I had the most amazing weekend at midwinter. Honestly, I'm pretty sure words can't even describe the majesty that I felt this weekend communing with and serving God. I would write more, but really, words won't do it justice. All I can say is this weekend reconfirmed a thousand times my love for ministry.

Midwinter

I leave for midwinter in a few minutes. I am so excited about this weekend and just getting away from everything but God. The youth are amazing, and I know that this weekend is going to be truly special.

The theme is Unplugged. Here's to an AMAZING weekend. I can't wait to find out what magic happens.

Lake Brownwood is one of my favorite places.

Pretty Good Day

Today was a good day.

Got emails and a phone call from my sister in India. She's doing well...but very overwhelmed, which is to be expected alone in a foreign country and all. REALLY foreign. At least western Europe is, well...Western. Haha. But India is a whole different ball game.

Also talked to boy. Which was good. He had a bit too much to drink, but its all good. I'm glad he had a good day today.

I leave for midwinter tomorrow, and I couldn't be MORE ready for the weekend. It will be phenomenal. I just hope it doesn't actually rain...even though it probably will.

Tired and my allergies still suck so I can't breathe. It's cool. Time for my lenten journal, and then benedryl!!! Yay!

Ash Wednesday

Today is the beginning of Lent.

I love this time of year. It is a time for reflection and giving up negative things in my life, and adding in positive things.

This year I'm taking away frivolous spending and cokes.
I am adding a daily devotional/prayer journal.

I feel like good things will happen this Lenten season...

From ashes you have come and to ashes you shall return.

another day...another dollar

Today was a better day...overall.

Still upset about my grade in New Testament. The fact that my professor has not emailed me back kind of upsets me, but such is life.

Did better than my friends on our Ethics vocab test...which made me feel good, although it was pretty subjective I believe.

AND...the worship service I am supposed to help plan...the preacher planned for us, which is kind of annoying only because I think it would be awesome to plan the whole service from the ground up. Guess I need to talk to him about scheduling for a different service.

so yes...better day=happier Deb.

Talked to my sister before she boarded her plane in New York. Security took away her facewash and moisturizer. I would die without those, my skin is sooo tempermental. And they took away her toothpaste. Luckily, they sell that in the airport. She also left her camera at the parents house...so, guess we're going to be shipping stuff over to her anyway. Dad said she seemed a little nervous, but not too bad...and mom didn't cry, which is good. Shoot, I'm pretty sure they cried when i went to Europe...but I was crying, so...yeah.

Sky's first 2 teeth have broken through...so, she's been a little cranky. She also got a big dose of shots today...maybe that means she'll sleep a lot tomorrow...haha. Guess we'll find out.

Hits

The hits just keep on coming. In the last 24 hours I've cried 3 times for 3 very different reasons.

anyone who knows me knows I DON'T CRY. I just don't. *sigh*

Life will get better...it has to.

Everything Happens for a Reason?

Is it true that everything happens for a reason, or is that some phrase we overuse in an attempt to mask or deal with the emotions produced in any given situation, whether they be joy or sorrow or pain?


Could it be that things happen, just because they happen? That outcomes are produced simply because, and not for a certain reason? Unless we were to say that the reason is simply the causes that produced the recieved effect.


Either way you look at it, things happen that we don't always particularly like. Although, I would argue that sometimes things do or don't happen because of things we do or don't say or do. At the same rate, sometimes things do or don't happen because of the things we DO say or do.


Perhaps everything does happen for a reason...perhaps I will keep pondering on this.

Rambling to Ramble

At what point is it too much? When is the time that enough is enough? Do I want my hair long or short? How am I going to lose 15 lbs? When is it ok to question EVERYTHING you do? When is it ok to just go with the flow? What can I do to get back the confidence I once had in myself? Where did it go in the first place? Who am I becoming? Do I like this person? Why do I let myself question so many things?

So I basically have a bagillion questions constantly running through my head. Things that sometimes make complete sense, and othertimes they mean absolutely nothing. Times when the questions I am asking make me pause in the midst of my noisy life and really think about the answer. You know the worst part about all of these questions? They are all so self centered. I know to be human is to, on some level, be completely in tune to yourself, and to want to have things be the best for you. But I have taken my call from God, and I am in seminary to be a minister. A minister can be self centered, sure, but they must not put themselves first, for they have a higher duty to serve others. That's what being a minister is, to serve others and to faithfully live a life that Christ would have approved of.

My long term goals are to serve others, to be a Christ figure in the lives of children orphaned by AIDS and genocide in Africa. Some people tell me that is completely selfless, and that they couldn't imagine doing it. What gets me is...I can't imagine doing anything BUT that. Guess that is why we are all different. Not everyone dreams of going to Africa to work in orphanages. But I have moments where I'm not convinced that I do it for selfless reasons. Am I doing it just to serve these children, and the other people in Africa? I don't know. Sometimes the lines are so fuzzy that I can't tell one side from the other. But then I have to wonder, if I am working in Africa, and part of it is selfish...does that negate the purpose I have gone there with? Even if on some level part of that is selfish...I am still planning on helping these people, and THAT can't be denied. Something to ponder I suppose.

There is so much going on in my life right now, and yet at the same time nothing at all. I need a job, badly. I need money to survive in this consumer-driven world so badly that I am willing to do work that I don't really like, just to make ends meet. Is that the rut that MOST American's are in? You have to wonder. Doesn't seem like a very satisfying life to me. Perhaps that is why I would be happy living in Europe. Sure, there are things in America that I would miss...and I would always want to come home here...but there is so much more out there...and sometimes I think I don't fit in, in America.

I don't know...none of this is cohesive thoughts, and perhaps I meant it to be that way...Just thinking about a lot of things...and thinking about life helps me figure life out, little piece, by little piece.

Structured Update?

Hm...one of my friends sends out a structured update on her life using this format. Looks interesting enough, and though maybe it'd help me sum up a week or so.

Although, if I'm honest, it won't last many weeks in a row, cuz I tend to be TERRIBLE at keeping up trends in my blogging life. We'll see though.

Work/School: Work is great. I love Skylar. I told her mom this week that I was going to kidnap her. She said that was ok as long as I bring her back. Haha. I kinda think though that I wouldn't sleep well if I was worried about a baby all night...probably part of the reason I'm not ready to be a mom. School is...school. I'm not worried at all about 2 of my classes, but I have NO idea how i'm going to pass New Testament. Although, I haven't gotten the grade back on that test yet, so if it wasn't as bad as I fear, then i won't be so worried about the class. Although, I do have to write an exegesis...and that scares the living poo out of me.

Play/Entertainment: Last night a group of us went out to Chili's after our test and had some food and a few drinks. It was good times, and much needed. This weekend I think I'm going to the zoo, and partying with the FloMo crew. However, apparantly we are going to the Dallas Zoo which is no where near as good as the Ft. Worth Zoo. Go figure. It's where Cameron wants to go though, so we will. Either way, much excitement to be had by all.

Friends/Family: My sister leaves for India on Tuesday. I'm excited for her, and kinda jealous. I'm also really sad that she'll be gone for two months. REALLY sad. My sister is my best friend, and yeah. But, we survived through me living in LA for 2 years...2 months should be nothing. Although, India is WAY further away than CA. I can't even make it to the airport because I have class in the morning. However, I bet my professor would understand if I missed class, I just don't want to. That is one of my favorite classes. And, I'd cry at the airport, I don't want to cry.

Love/Dating Life: Well...I guess I'm dating boy. We never have really talked about or tried to define it. So..its nothing except what it is. I can't decide whether I actually like it being undefined, or if I secretly really want us to define it...hm...this one I vary on day to day. If only I really liked this other boy who really likes me...haha.

Health/Fitness: Ok. I've worked out 1 time in the last two weeks. I felt so good afterwards, and yet I have not gone back yet. Slightly annoyed at myself. I really want to start working out more because I would love to work up to a half marathon. How amazing would that be? I'd love it. Anne and I have talked about it. I just need to start working on it to make it a reality. I CAN DO IT. I have faith. Now, lets just start actually doing it. My goal for next week is to actually go 2 times to work out. hahahaha.

The Value of Ranting

So, I have this grant urge to write this entry as a rant about something. I could probably go on and on, and make alot of valid points. I see ranting as a positive thing most of the time. It is a way to express your opinions on a matter that is bugging you, and on some level you don't have to worry about other people's feelings on the matter, its your own soapbox and you can stand on it however you want. Sometimes I feel though, that a rant doesn't get you anywhere other than more upset. Sometimes the rant just keeps you circling in one spot losing the ability to see anything other than the bubble you've created, and that isn't healthy.

Man do I want to rant about this...

However, I am resisting the urge. The more I rant about it, the more annoyed/frustrated I get about it and I don't really want to do that. It's all about self control.

It's almost 9pm. I expected to already be out hanging out with friends because Kirby's birthday is this weekend and I heard rumors that we were celebrating it. BUT...I haven't heard from anyone. Blah.

Friday night at home, is not my idea of a good time. I'm going to finish getting ready, then go to Anne's and decide whether I want to wait for a phone call from the boys, or get a group of friends here together. I wanted to see boy, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for a call...I do like to have a life.

Taize

So, I guess about a year and a half ago while I was planning my Europe trip, I had a friend tell me about Taize, France and the monastery that you can visit there. You stay for a week and worship the whole time, and there are all these activities and such. I remember when I heard about it that I really wanted to make it over there. The only problem was that in the 2 months we were going to be in Europe we had so much that we wanted to do, that taking an entire week seemed like a little more than we wanted to do.

Sometime over the past year this place left my conciousness and I didn't really think about it.

Today, in my Christian Worship class we watched a 45 minute video on Taize. I barely even took notes on the video even though I have to write a paper on it. I didn't need notes, every second of that video was magical to me. It was while watching the video that my passion was reignited. It is moments like those I know without a shadow of a doubt, that serving God is what I am called to do.

After class Katie, Chris and I were down in Weatherly studying before our next classes, when we all got to talking about Taize. We ALL wanted to go. We even were looking at flights and such. So, we decided to go talk to our Worship prof. about maybe putting together a class that goes over there. He was definitely intruigued by the idea and said he will look into what all needs to be done.

I know that if I went, I would be changed for the better. I know that the prayers and the service and the just BEING with God would shape and mold me in ways that I can't even begin to fathom. And who knows what other doors God would open while I am there.

Check out Taize. Absolutely amazing.

YUCK

I'm not even kidding...that test SUCKED. I'm pretty sure that I passed it...but, I didn't do well. And it was impossible to study for, and the next one is going to be even harder.

I know that usually I am harder on myself than professors tend to be (which isn't such a bad thing, really) but, when its a test that is T/F, multiple choice, and matching...you either know it or you don't. I'm so much better on essay tests...

Luckily, I'm not alone. All my classmates were talking about how much that sucked. Pretty much we all think we did poorly. But you know there will be that one person who kills the curve so no one gets one. *sigh*

failure

so i've come to the conclusion that I am going to fail my content exam tomorrow...there is NO way that I will be able to answer 40 questions in 20 minutes over 7 books of the Bible all written by the same person...and with a lot of overlapping information. Not going to happen. *sigh*

There is something wrong with the computers that control the fire alarm system in my apartment complex. That means that for the last 20 minutes I've had a loud voice saying "Attention, Attention, an emergency has been reported in this building, please cease operation and make your way to the nearest exit..." SO ANNOYING.

Oh good. It just stopped, guess that means my rant can stop as well.

Have lots of studying to do today...woo!

awesome

SO...in my frazzled state of trying to study all those crazy vocab words for my test today, I actually DREAMED about the words. I don't really remember the dream, but uh...my vocab words were in it. I woke up all kinds of annoyed. Isn't sleep supposed to be the one place I can ESCAPE from studying? Oh well. Anyhow, I aced my quiz today. God my reading and response for that same class done (although it SUCKED)...and during that class I wrote the paper for my other class that was due today.

Seriously, I was utilizing my time in the best way possible. I really have a hard time paying attention in classes where a) the professor doesn't actually teach and b) the exams are take home essays. Seriously...I'd rather have a class that challenges me and makes me think and pushes me to think and learn than one that I can do it all on my own the night before something is due. Really annoying.

I have one more test on Thursday, and I realized today that my exam on Thursday is only worth 10% of my grade. SO, my stress level has gone down tremendously. However, that does mean that my lack of motivation level has skyrocketed. Go figure.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Boy asked what I was doing...and I honestly was like "eating dinner and studying" he was like "that's not what I had in mind for you". Too bad he's not going to be here until Friday. And I get to spend all day Saturday and most of Sunday with him! YAY! It's even better that he's coming HERE instead of me driving to Austin AGAIN! WOOHOO!!! Plus, he's throwing a party at his parents house on Saturday, so I'll get to see EVERYONE! I love my friends. No really...I do.

Plans for spring break seem to slowly be coming together. Athens for a couple days with Tiff just to BE. Then Camping with Anne, Jeff...and maybe the boy. Not sure if he is going to be able to come, but I know he wants to. That would make me UBER happy! Tiff may come along as well. It's good stuff. Of course...the fact that I don't have a tent could cause a Bit of a problem...note to self...borrow tent from Tina.

Ruthi and I played guitar hero for like an hour and a half tonight. Buying that was the best and worst thing I could have EVER done. Haha. Now I like to play that instead of studying...its just another excuse to not study really...and I love it! WOO!

test time...again already?

So...as per usual in the world of school, it is test time again.

This week holds a vocab test in Christian Ethics, a response paper in Christian Worship, and a content exam in New Testament.

I already feel drained this week, and its only monday night.

On the upside...went to a Bible Study group tonight with some great folks, and had some amazing intellectual discussions over Christianity in America and the problems we need to face. VERY stimulating. It was the group's first time to meet, and I am excited to see where God leads us in the coming weeks/months.

Studying the vocab for ethics really sucks...especially because all the definitions are sooo wordy...UGH.

paying bills is the bane of my existence. I wish that all my debt was paid off. Any ideas how I can get lots of money to pay off said bills would be GREAT. Really, if I could pay off credit card before I graduate and have to start paying back student loans would be fabulous. That or, Em gets rich and she will pay off my loans...don't worry, its a deal we worked out in undergrad. She's also going to fund me working in Africa. And...I'm not worried because I know it'll actually happen. I told her she has three years to make it happen. Hahahahaha. Hope she's on my schedule!

Ok...back to studying, this whole avoidance thing doesn't work well for my grades.

A time to celebrate

So...this week was Minister's Week at my seminary. We get the week of classes and are encouraged to go to lectures and worship services to network and spend time with other ministers. I guess I did say hello to some ministers that I've known growing up..but I mainly spent time with friends who I've met through seminary. Amazing opportunities to just hang out with friends. My dad, being a minister, also came over for some of the stuff this week. I love how when we are talking about ministry...my dad and I NEVER butt heads. Its amazing. It really is one of the only things that we both GET about each other. I will cherish it forever.

We had Kayla's bachlorette party tonight. It was a surprise, and AWESOME!!! She really had no idea. So, we gave her lots of lingere and played some games before going out to a martini bar for a few drinks. We ended the night getting taquitos at Whataburger. It was fabulous...and such a great evening!

I got my PS2 and Guitar Hero 1&2 today!! I'm a nerd, I know. I haven't been able to play it much, but I can promise that I will play more over the next few days.

In some ways...I wish next weekend would get here faster...plus, it would mean my papers and tests are over..which would be great!

Super Bowl Sunday

Super bowl Sunday has been a big deal in my family since before I was born. 2 years before I was born the 'Chili Bowl' was born. So, every year during the Super Bowl my family has the Chili Bowl, and we have AT LEAST two kinds of chili and much fun to be had.

2005 and 2006 I missed the Chili Bowl. One is I was in L.A. and one I was in Berlin. I paid 19 Euros last year to watch the Super Bowl live at a movie theatre in Berlin. That 19 Euros got us a free buffet, one drink, and the game on a big screen TV. It was good times, I can't lie.

So, for the first time in a few years, I was back at the Super Bowl. Had my mom's chili...and a ton of other food. My Aunt made a chocolate cake...and I of course got birthday money!

This year was slightly different however. My mom, who gets super bored with football, made up all these random games to play where we could win money. Sometimes it was silly things like: everyone gets $0.10 for a fieldgoal attempt, or $1.00 if the team you picked was ahead at the beginning of the quarter. There were also a million other things you could win money for. So, in the end, I had won $13.75. Not too shabby. I didn't win the big pot of money that everyone puts $5 into...my aunt did. But, who cares. We had a ton of fun getting our dimes and quarters and nickles and dollars. Definitely made the game more exciting.

So overall...amazing chili bowl...I love my family.

OH YES!!!

If I've never said how much I love my parents...let me just say it now...I LOVE MY PARENTS! They were at some benefit tonight and there was a silent auction. One of the items up for grabs was a pair of tickets to see the Mavs vs. Orlando Magic on March 3. So...my mom kept urging my dad to keep bidding on them...and they won! YAY! So, now I have a date with my dad to go see the Mavs game again!!! YES!

I LOVE THE MAVS.

And I love my parents and how they feed my obsessions!!

Song of the Day

So, I didn't know what song to put today...so I just put my iPod on random and this is the first song that played...so, here ya go!

Chocolate

Snow Patrol

This could be the very minute

I'm aware I'm alive

All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen

I can make my first steps

As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the

Roof of my mouth as I lie to you

Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean

I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love

It scares me more every day

On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming

Or at least I'll claim I did

But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that

What have I become? Truth is nothing yet

A simple mistake starts the hardest time

I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

Home again

So, my trip down to Austin this weekend was great. We really didn't do that much, but it was fabulous to see him. We had a double date dinner with some of his friends where we made homemade chicken marsala and a vodka tomato cream sauce over gnocci. WOW was it amazing. It felt kinda perfect, I'm not going to lie. I'll see him again in 2 weeks. That's not TOO long, which is nice...especially since I left my iPod and my rings there! SADNESS!!! I'm going to feel naked without them for the next couple of weeks.

But, now i'm home alone...and kind of sad. Ending trips sucks.

Today is a MUCH better day. I hate having down days/hours. But its ok...they always end quickly and life goes on...

Talked to the boy for a long time last night. That made me UBER happy. AND, I get to see him this weekend now! YAY!!! Even if its only for a night, its totally worth it, and that makes me happy. However, while I am there we have lots to talk about. Guess we'll see what all comes up with that.

Tonight we are doing a fondue party as birthday celebration for Kayla and I. The best week ever is almost over...but not before a couple more amazing celebrations of it! We will do 2 cheese fondues and 1 chocolate. With lots of yumminess to dip in it! Woohoo! I love fondue. We're also making mulled wine to go along with it all. Should be a fun party...and every one is invited, so it will be interesting to see who all shows up.

Ok, I must finish reading for class now...