Its interesting. I find myself oddly nostalgic at random times. Ok, not completely random....i know what triggers these moments, but i still remain nostalgic all the same.

Sometimes I feel weird talking aobut such moods, but then I realize that it is what it is. On Christmas night I watched an nsync video clip. I watched this clip and laughed, and smiled, and for a moment, felt like i did when i was 20. It really is a weird feeling. To be so wrapped up in a group, in the music they produce and the excitement that comes with following their every move. Its no wonder to me why I still get these pangs. My life has not changed that much since then. Sure, I'm older, and I have had more life experiences, and I'm even in graduate school now...but in so many ways I still feel like that young girl. Perhaps it is because I'm currently single, so my life has not progressed past dreaming about those guys that I could never have, and probably wouldn't actually want...i just find it so interesting. These moments that take me back, and for an instant after the flashback is over, I wish my life was as simple as it was in those days.

Then reality sets in, and I must come back to the present, to a world that seems much more jaded...and I must continue to seek those things which make me feel good, which make me feel whole.

not to sound dramatic or anything...but papers SUCK.

I have 60 pages worth of papers to write this week. Actually...58, I'm on the top of page 3 for the first paper. I think I'm psyching myself out though. I keep almost getting on a roll, then realize that I'm doing well and kinda know what I'm saying, then I stop. Kind of aggrivating, but that tells you about the level of my commitment. I am however, proud of myself for being this far along. The paper isn't due until Wednesday, and I'm already on page 3...that's big for me. But, because I have so many papers due this week, I don't have much choice. Now, if only I could get myself to write more...like I know I can.

On a random side note...Anne saw a mouse in our house today. We've heard it for a couple days in the vent downstairs, but hadn't actually seen it til today. Our landlord was like "no one has ever complained about them before." Ok...but we've really seen one...geez. She at least brought traps by. SO GROSS. And it was seen in the kitchen, so now I need to go through our pantry and make sure they haven't found a way inside there...HIfoe;wjafkldasjfoi;ewajfkld;sa

SO GROSS.

I feel like lately I complain more than I talk about the good stuff going on.

today, I feel a balance of both.

coming off of such an amazing week/weekend with my family has been so healthy for me. I spent two different nights at home, very much enjoying both nights. Sometimes being in my childhood room is just what the doctor ordered. Seeing my whole family on Thanksgiving day was wonderful...as was the whole food. My mom and I cooked a traditional german meal on Saturday of Sauerbraten, speatzle, and cabbage. SO YUMMY!! It was great.

Last night I had a friend over. One who I thought I was really excited to see and hang out with. Turns out, the ties that had been somewhat severed, were severed for a reason. He kept telling me how beautiful I was, and how much he missed me. Thing was, he said that, and I had no emotion, and I actually couldn't wait for him to go home. Weird. a year ago, I never would have guessed that I wouldn't care much for this guy. A year ago he was one of my best friends. We started dating, and then didnt see each other for a good 8 months or so. I realize now, I didn't even miss him. I'm alright with it. Just strange.

Feelings are crazy. How some people I feel something for EVERY time I see them. And others, I don't think about much. People who have in theory had the same amount of impact...

Anyway, today I'm working on homework and getting very tired of looking up definitions. Only 20 to go! Yay!

I hate my life today.

Only because I have 2 papers to write, 2 books to finish reading, and one other book to read. All so I can write the two papers.

I really really want this semester to be over.

On a happier note, I figured out my schedule for next semester - which will be awesome.

Wednesday: 9:30-12 Exegesis: Resurrection Narratives
Thursday: 8:15-10:45 Pastoral Care: Sexuality, Gender Identity, and Orientation
Thursday: 5:00-7:30 History of Christianity I: Early and Mideval

And that is all folks. Beautiful I tell, absolutely beautiful.

Actually, that makes today happy. Ask me that again around 10pm though, and i'll be back to hating today.

So the truth is, i have more homework than I can deal with at the moment.

However...I don't have a choice but to do it all. If I can get to the other side of the mountain of a week, I will be heading to LOS ANGELES!!! I haven't been since I moved away, and I need the ocean! I need the Grove! I need my BEST FRIEND! A week from today I will be in LA, and I couldn't be more frickin excited!!!

i'm trying to convince myself that mind over matter works. however, I was home by 10:30 on a friday night out with the girls. Sucks I tell ya.

We did make crepes at Kayla's tonight. And, I am reminded again how much I love crepes with nutella and banana!! I ate them many many times a day in Paris, and tonight I had 3! they were very small crepes, so it wasn't quite as much as it sounds like. Fabulous either way.

This weekend is homecoming for TCU! Yay! Football game tomorrow, hopefully we finally win another game. We've not done so hot the last couple games. But, its against SMU, so...should be a breeze. If we lose, I won't give up on TCU, but uh, I may give up on the season. haha.

Ok, body is rebelling, sleep is inevitable!!

I'm tired.

More, I'm just tired of schoolwork already. I knew that I would be. I'm ready for fall break and for a week in L.A.

Reading this week is relatively light, which is nice because I'm tired of having almost 1000 pages of reading a week, its under 500 this week, which is WAY easier! So...yay!

I should start that reading now that I think about it. dang.

6 years. 6 years ago today I sat with Emily while she opened her birthday presents as we watched CNN cover the tragedy that was unfolding. Some birthday huh? I'm watching the coverage that they showed on the Today show that day this morning. How sad is it that as I watch I am criticizing how they did things because the CNN coverage is so engrained in my head, and this is different. Obviously, same event, but their reaction time to things seems slower. But, it still rocks me to the core. Watching the first tower fall a few minutes ago seriously took my breath away and caused my heart to skip a beat. Amazing, and shocking still six years later.

I shouldn't spend my day today watching this again, but I feel like its my way of remembering what happened. The day I don't care, or that they won't show coverage, means we are allowing ourselves to forget it the same way that we have "forgotten" Pearl Harbor. Of course we remember it, but this will forever be seared in my mind, and I don't mind watching it. It keeps me humble.

On a happier note. My best friend turns 26 today. How are we getting so old? Yesterday we played "remember when" for almost an hour. It seriously was one of the highlights of my day. In the past 9 years she has gone from a chance roommate on the IAS trip, to a RYMC member with me, to college roommate, to nsync buddy, confidant, person who makes me laugh non-stop, to travel buddy, the only person who I can have an entire walk down memory lane by saying ONE WORD. She's much more eloquant than I am, and I would love to do justice to her with my words, but I can't. I cannot imagine my life without her as my best friend, and I'm glad I don't have to. She's one in a million, and while I don't see her but a few times a year for a day or two anymore, she's my best friend. Happy Birthday Em, you're beautiful inside and out. I love you, and I'll see you in 20 days!!!

Papers do not like me. Wait....I do not like papers.

I went with Anne to Marble Slab tonight so that we could avoid studying for a bit. Now I'm in the process of cleaning my room so that I can again stall...

Remind me why I love school? I love being in class and learning about all this stuff. I HATE papers.

*Sigh*

I realize that I have been neglecting my jounaling...Summer was crazy and fun, and I just didn't have the time.

So, I watched the Justin Timberlake concert on HBO last night...twice. Yes, both showings of the concert. AND I DVRd it...AND yes. I loved this show. If only I had been able to see it live at one point. Oh well. Now I can forever watch it over and over. Its amazing how different the show was from the NSYNC show on HBO. Haha. I loved it.

Classes are ROUGH this semester, but I LOVE it. Which, is good.

New job is going great....

and i'm boring today, I'm going to try working on that sometime soon...ha

HP

So...I went last night with Kristin and Jeremy to see HARRY POTTER at midnight!!! It was amazing. A great movie.

I was smart enough to not read the book right before I went to see the movie, so that it would not be fresh on my mind. When I have done that in the past I hated the movie. Therefore, I did not do that this time, and quite enjoyed the entire thing. I heard a lot of people nitpicking details that were different from the book, and talking about things that were left out...but seriously, have you seen how big the book is? A ton is going to get left out! Now I need to just read the book again so that I remember what happened.

But, reading book 5 will have to wait. I must read book 6 before 7 comes out! Yikes!! =o) I best get on it.

As for now, today will be very long, as I am very tired!

Holiday Time

I absolutely love the 4th of July. I get to spend the afternoon with my extended family, and then spend the evening with my friends. What more can you want in life? An entire day dedicated to having fun with those closest to you! Granted, I had many many friends that I did not spend time with, or even talk to...but that does not mean I think less of them.

I'd been neglecting my friends from Brite recently. And not even to hang out with other friends, really...but because I have been spending a lot of time with my family. I wonder what that says about me? Seriously, I've seen my mom every day for the last 6 days, and I've been working and so had she! Granted, my dad is out of town so I have been helping keep her company, but still! I love it.

I made cinnamon rolls yesterday. Anne had never had them, and my sister was giving me a hard time because I haven't made them in forever. So, yesterday I made them! Made a mess of the kitchen too...I forgot how messy they can be. They turned out great though. Made me miss Em and Kristin though...I should remedy that.

I need to work on some of my friendships that I've let slip some recently. I've realized how hard it is to have so many different friends from different parts of my life. I have select friends from different parts of my life that I'm really sad I don't talk to much anymore. I know its a two way street, but I need to make some effort. So, I'm doing that starting now. Its so easy sometimes to get caught up with the new people you are hanging out with that you forget the old, but I'm going to try and be more evenly spaced between them all.

New job starts a week from Sunday. I'm excited/anxious/nervous all at the same time. Hopefully it works out wonderfully...guess only time will tell!

I don't know why, but I'm feeling a bit unsettled this week.

It probably has something to do with the fact that I'm coming off a two week camp high, which was absolutely amazing. Two weeks where I was literally around people 24/7, and had things planned out for me all day. I didn't have to think about what to eat, or trying to find someone to do something with, it was all there, ready for me. I loved that.

This week, Anne is out of town, so not only am I home from camp, but I'm home ALONE from camp. I've gone out the last two nights, and tonight...I'm staying in. Partially because I was out so late last night, but partially because none of my friends who are in town (which is very few), called me to hang out tonight even though I'd talked to them earlier in the day.

And its raining. Again.

However, I have a date tomorrow. I am very excited, and I hope that it turns out well...there's potential here people.

summertime and the livin is easy

Summer has been great so far, I suppose.

Hung out with friends, both new and old.

Watched movies

all my TV shows are ending, and that makes me very sad...well, ending til Sept. anyway.

Sky has been sick, so I actually got to work an extra day last week, the money was much needed.

I leave for Florida on Friday!!!! I'm super excited about spending time with the fam and attending a wedding. My dress is super cute, and I am very excited!!

Do you ever have those days where something just seems...off? Like, nothing particularly bad happens, but those tiny disappointments just kind of pile up? That is the story of my life today. Just...those little things that, after awhile, kind of bring you down. So here I sit...just kind of feeling, blah. Wishing that the biggest disappointment of the day (which didn't come as a surprise) had not happened, and that the original plan had come through. However, as is typical in my life, it just didn't work out that way.

Boys are dumb, and have a way of hurting me without meaning to. Perhaps I am too sensitive. Perhaps I dont say/show my emotions enough. Perhaps I need to "grow up and deal with it". Perhaps...I am completely normal and sometimes things just suck.

Good thing this feeling doesnt last long, I'll be better tomorrow at least.

SUMMER

*sings* schoooooools out for summer!

YAY! I survived my first year at seminary. Unfortunately my grades were not all that I hoped for this semester, but, a 3.25 isn't THAT bad I guess. I'll just have to deal with it one way or another.

I go to Florida in 2 weeks! YAY!!! I can't wait. It will be a blast!

That is all for now. More excitement later perhaps.

This week has been dreadful, and its only Tuesday.

I had a 10 page paper due today and an in class final in my class from Hell. Both actually went OK I think. Not sure about either, but I don't feel too badly.

I have one more paper that I will write tomorrow night, and have to turn in by 1pm on Thursday. I'd love to have it done tomorrow night and get it turned in early, just so that I don't have to think about it.

It's weird though, I already feel like something is missing. I love the idea of summer. A time with no class...but it makes me feel worthless sometimes. Granted, I have a job 3 days a week watching Skylar, but that doesn't do much for the wallet. I need another job, but have no desire to work retail. I'm thinking about seeing if Paulette will let me work 2 days a week this summer just so that I have extra money until I start my job in July at the church. But, not positive I want to subject myself to that, so we'll see. UGH. I need a job, have I ever mentioned that.

Let me give you a little insight into the craziness that has been my life over the last week.

Storms, tornados, flash flooding...that was knee high outside, and 2 inches of water filled the bottom floor of my building. Power was out for 6 or so hours. Sweeping water out with a broom in the dark. Moving out of my old apartment for 8 hours straight. Still have stuff over there. Trying to set up the new duplex...which is amazing!! I love it!

Overall..I am all kinds of exhausted. I can barely stay awake. My friend CanDance is in from Ohio and I totally want to see her, but its a 45 min drive to where she is...and I'm not positive I can stay awake driving that long, much less stay awake to get BACK here afterwards. I'll hang out with her tomorrow...I just feel bad b/c I've been looking forward to seeing her.

I finished my exegesis at like 3pm, and it wasn't due til 5 on Friday. That was awesome. I have 2 more papers and one in class final left to work on before I'm done with my first year of seminary...that's SO crazy. Amazing how fast time flies, and how different my life is now than a year ago. But the people I've gotten close to in the last year...are the best people ever. And that includes all those kids I was hanging out with at this time last year. This summer I plan to spend a lot of time with them again! yay!!

YES!

I got the job!!! I start July 15.

now i just need a job until then.

money issues suck.

ouch!

so...in case you weren't aware....

metal skewers for kabobs get hot when on the grill...and you probably shouldn't touch them with your bare hands. I tested it last night. And its true...very hot. ouch!

I nailed that interview!!! I felt good when I left. Less than 3 hours after I left my interview they called me and asked me to come back and meet with the youth!! Which basically means as long as the youth ok me, then I'm in!! I'm very very very excited about it. I'm nervous, of course, but I'm so excited to get into it and really get the opportunity to learn and grow. For real...

I'm tired but have tons of nervous/excited energy now!

I really want this job!!!

Rain

rain and tornados....I LOVE THEM. Well, I really only love tornados because I've never had anything of mine destroyed by one. Can't lie though, I love love love storms.

Had to go to the basement today because of a storm during my ethics class. I was sad to have to go back to class...but that's ok. During that time the yard and parking lot at my apartments flooded...again. My roommate took this picture of my car

she would have moved it, but the only set of keys I have at my apartment were with me! Very annoying...good thing it still works or I'd have been PISSED.

Went to the library to get sources for my exegesis...didn't get much accomplished...well, i got sources, but not very many. So, that was frustrating. But speaking of the exegesis...I should get back to it..

I went to an interview tonight at another church. I'm about 95% sure that I will not be asked to come back and visit with them again. Haha. We are at two opposite ends of the spectrum theologically. Its alright though, it was a great experience.

One more interview to go this week. I better nail it.

I woke up at 9:45 this morning. I have plenty of time to get ready and go to church. To be honest, I kind of want to just sit at home and not go. Why? Because, this may be one of the last few weeks I can ever decide I just don't feel like going. I'm interviewing for jobs at churches, and as soon as I get one, Sunday will be a work day. I'm not complaining, in fact, I am so super excited about the opportunity to be able to work with youth at a church. It just means that I want to spend today, NOT getting myself ready for church in the morning. I will however, still go to church this evening. So, yeah. Haha. It's all good though.

I need to do homework. Badly. I really really really need to do homework, and start working on tests and papers that are due in the next couple weeks. I'm lacking motivation. Not having motivation is not an option. I must do well. I need the grades...if for no one else, for myself.

I kind of want a whataburger taquito. However, I'd need to leave NOW to go get one, and I don't feel like doing that. So. No breakfast taquito for me. Plus, its probably not super healthy and I need to lose weight!!! SO badly. I hate feeling too big. I know i'm not fat, but that doesn't mean that I'm not near my goal weight. I just want to lose the weight i've put on since I moved back to Texas. That's all i ask!!

Change

Sometimes a girl just needs some change in her life.

Today that change was my hair. And, I will post pictures soon, but I'm going to give my hair color a couple days to settle into what it actually looks like. it is a little darker now than it will be in a couple days.

I'm kind of in love with it though! So...yay!

Sometimes change is good.

Friday Feast!

Join the Fun!

Appetizer
What is your favorite kind of bread?
Honey Wheat, or I make this amazing choclate chip pumpkin bread

Soup
When was the last time you bought a new pillow?
I actually bought one a couple weeks ago. But, it was a $2 pillow from WalMart to take camping with me

Salad
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend surfing the ‘net?
TOO MANY!!! Hahaha.

Main
CourseWhat’s the highest you remember your temperature being?
not too high. 102.2

Dessert
Fill in the blanks: When I ____________, I _____________.
When I backpacked through Europe for two months, I felt more alive than I ever had before.

transition

You know what I love and appreciate?

REALLY talking with friends. Especially people who, while I talk to them quite a bit, we never talk about deeper issues. Last night I had the opportunity to talk to someone who I really am starting to look at as my little brother who I love to talk to. Its a really cool transition when you notice it happening...the transition from aquaintence to real friend. I kinda like it.

That is all for now. Thanks.

Tragedy

I don't even have words to describe the sadness that I feel following the shootings today at VA Tech. I had the news on all day, unable to turn the station, even after hearing the exact same news over and over and over... It breaks my heart that we live in a society where, while this is a shock, its not all that surprising that it COULD happen. It's surprising that it DID...but the possibility of it doesn't come as a shock anymore. My heart goes out to all those affected. This day will forever be in our history now...added to the list of tragedies I have witnessed (although from afar) in my short lifetime.

Friday Feast!

Feast 139 : Join the Fun!

Appetizer
When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
Cerulean (that's that pretty blue)

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
Well, thats not possible for awhile. I'd say...about a 8 if it was still in Texas. 4-5 if it was somewhere outside Texas

Salad
Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
32

Main Course
Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
DessertName something you need from the store.
You know, I am pretty sure I have, but I don't exactly remember what.

Day 74

After a hard night of partying...sleeping in the car on the way home was definitely necessary.

africa

So...I spent the first hour of class looking at opportunities to work in an orphanage in Africa. Still haven't found exactly how I'm going to do it...but found a few places I'd like to try to work through. I love my passion...now if only I can make it happen.

I get my hair cut and colored tomorrow. Pretty sure I'm not going to cut it much...maybe just an inch or so...but definitely I'm going back to my naturalish color. Maybe just a few highlights, but I'm kinda excited about going darker. We'll see what color I end up with. Perhaps I'll post a picture of the new do after its done.

Monday I have an interview at a church. Even though I haven't been to the church yet, I definitely want the job. So far it sounds like a great opportunity. But I suppose I have to leave it up to God. If its supposed to be, it will be.

My sister is home from India!! It was amazing to see her. I surprised her after convincing her that I couldn't come to the airport because Kerry had a conference call and I had to watch Skylar. However...Kerry and Sky came with me of course! Still have lots to catch up on with her b/c she was too tired to talk, but I know we will!

The rest of the semester is absolutely insane. The next few weeks look as follows:

Due Next week: Eucharistic prayer, Sacramental Theology paper, Content Exam over Luke-Acts, John, 1-3 John, and Revelation
Following week: pretty much get a reprieve I believe...but must start working on my exegesis
Reading week: exegesis due, work on order of worship paper, and ethics final exam, and study for NT final
May 8: order of worship paper due, ethics final due, NT in class final exam.

If i'm still alive on May 9, it may be a miracle!

Perfection

per·fec·tion:
1. the state or quality of being or becoming perfect
3. a perfect embodiment or example of something

This weekend was the cloesest thing to perfection that I have felt in a very long time.

I drove up to Wichita Falls on Friday, and I seriously almost started crying as I hugged Em. It had been 7 months since the last time I saw her. That is seriously way too long. Sometimes the phone just isn't enough, and I have to say this weekend was very needed.

The first night we went over to Mickey and Carissa's house to hang out. Em and I challenged Mickey - so he ended up buying Guitar Hero for his xbox. He fell in love...and so did Carissa! We played til 2am. It was good times. Then Em and I went home and laid in bed and talked for an hour or so before passing out.

Yesterday we seriously didn't leave her house once. It was fabulous. We watched a random movie that got us into some theological discussions. then, the whole gang came over to her house and her parents made us all dinner. It was fabulous. Then we played Guitar Hero for about four hours. It was a fabulously good time, and many great pictures were taken! We did however have a mishap when Em tried to get Mickey's photo memory card to fit in the slot on her computer...even though I told her it was too small. So then it took half an hour to get it out b/c it just was chilling back there. It was SUCH a fun night. Then Em and I laid in bed for 2.5 hours just talking about stuff.

Today I drove home watching the sunrise and just being alone out on the open road. Except for the cop who pulled me over for going 75 in a 70. That's right folks...but, he only gave me a warning. Thanks, buddy! *roll eyes now please, thanks!* Then church, and Easter lunch with the family. I finally met my new baby cousin, Carter. Who is precious. Very fussy however, Im glad Sky isn't that fussy! Came home and pretended to study with A Todd, but we ended up talking, eating chocolate, and playing guitar hero instead.

Too bad this week I have 2 papers due Tuesday...maybe i should actually have started that before tomorrow....I'm guessing I'm not going to sleep much tomorrow so I should head that way now!

Disappointment

dis•ap•point (v):
1. to fail to fulfill the expectations or wishes of
2. to defeat the fulfillment of (hopes, plans, etc.); thwart; frustrate

dis•ap•point•ment (n):
1. The act or fact of disappointing
2. the state or feeling of being disappointed

I realize more and more recently that people are going to disappoint me. Some of it is simple fleeting disappointment; someone didn’t call when they said they would, someone said something that hurt me, someone bailed on plans…the list goes on. Sometimes that disappointment is deeper, and that usually comes from people I am really close to repeatedly letting me down or hurting me, or themselves. But really, the worst is when I disappoint myself.

What I’m not sure about is whether that disappointment stems from a short-coming of a persons actions (including my own) in any given situation, or if that disappointment really only comes because I have set the standard of what I am expecting too high. I also realize however, that I too am guilty of disappointing other people for all reasons I talked about previously.

So is disappointment unavoidable? Not to say that we will ALWAYS disappoint each other, which I do no think that is the case at all, but is it inevitable that to be human, is to disappoint?

Whether it is inevitable or not, does not change how bad disappointment feels. It is not pleasant. It does not feel good to be on either side, whether I am the person who is disappointed, or I am the disappointer. I want to strive to be a person who does not disappoint others. I want to strive to be a person who does not disappoint myself.

amazing

so today I had an amazing day.

woke up to an email that said I got a 94 on my last test.

signed a lease on a duplex!! I move in May 1!

A lake was created by the rain that almost drowned my car...literally. The water was almost up to my door...luckily my car started and I was able to move it to higher ground.

I drank a bottle of wine, made dinner and brownies with Anne and had a Dawsons Creek marathon.

Seriously...couldn't have asked for a better day.

Hm..disregard my last post. I got a 94!!!! YES!!!!!!!!!

i'm so sick of feeling stupid because i do poorly on tests that I study my ass off for.

Possibilities

I have a few good possibilities coming my way...

1. Got a call from a church last night about a youth minister intern position that would last from May o7 to May 08. It would be something, and about that time positions in the area I'd rather work would probably be opening up. One of my friends is also interviewing for it, and he has some more experience than I do...so, I guess we'll see. If it's meant to be, it will be.

2. Kerry offered me a job for the summer watching Sky 3 days a week. It would definitely make a little more money, but...not QUITE enough to pay the bills. I'd have to get a second job, but its easy/fun...so that's a possiblity.

3. Summer internship at the church I've currently been volunteering at. It would be $2k-3K for the summer...not a bad deal, and I know the church. Possibly an option. Guess we'll see what happens with the first church to see if I want to apply for this one.

4. Anne and I are going to look at a really cute house today that we both like. Hopefully that works out as well. Rent is cheap...and it looks precious. Keep your fingers crossed that its what we want and we can get it.

5. I have to tell my current roommate that I am moving out. I have to let the apts know by April 1...so, I need to really tell them like...tomorrow. Haha.

CAMPING!!!

"High Five"
"Its my pokey stick"
"wanna go explore those tents now?"
"that's a lot of meat"
"very nice"
"never have I ever..."

boy:"deb. truth or dare?"
me:"uh...dare, i'm scared of your truths",
boy: "I dare you to kiss me on the cheek"
me: *kiss*
boy: "now on the lips"
me: *kiss*
Anne: aww...thats so sweet. wait, am I the only one who saw that?

playing football in the lake
playing under the waterfall
sitting around the campfire
eating lots of hotdogs
drinking lots of beer and Jim Beam
eating 259 jello shots
dog barking
yelling at each other from our tents at night
people walking through fire
tiki torches that wouldn't stay lit
port-a-potty time
peeing by the jeep

12 people
6 boys
6 girls
1 dog
2 nights
amazing.

Camping this weekend with my "wild group" as my mom calls it was beyond amazing. It was very soap opera at moments...but these kids are my life line sometimes. I love my friends, and I seriously can't imagine life without them. Glad I don't have to.

the people in your life really shape you. Sometimes I love being the person that I am with this group, they love me exactly how I am and I don't need any secrets from them. Sometimes I take them for granted...but weekends like this remind me not to. Yay!

True Story

My New Testament professor isn't so bad. I don't like how he tests, but I think I like him as him. Does that make sense?

Everyone did poorly on the second content exam. He even said in his email to us that he was "at a loss as to why grades are still so low." REALLY? ARE YOU? Because your tests suck. The class average actually went down by 4 points. So, I was still really frustrated with him. But, we get into class today and he has decided to take our 2 highest grades out of the 4 tests and make that our grade! YAY! I still have time to improve even more.

Speaking of improving more...I passed the second test! I was ecstatic at the 70 I got in an email. Then, I get to class today, and when I got my test back, I noticed that one of them had been graded wrong, so...I actually got a 73! Not as high as I would actually like...but, way better than the 58 I got on that first test! Seriously, I feel SO much better now!

Class goes until 8:30...and at 8:00 he said we could leave. People actually pushed him to STAY until 8:30...what's wrong with you people?!? So, now I've checked out. I did SO well paying attention today...but really, you tell me I can leave then decide to stay. That sucks.

All in all...I still don't like this class...but I AM excited about classes I want to take next semester.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

OUCH!!!

So, I'm a good sister, and I go and check on Sara's apartment while she's in India. Which is great and all. Today, I stop and get Taco Bell for lunch, and basically skip up the steps to her apartment without a care in the world. I put the key in the door, push it open when something goes down my shirt. I of course FREAK out and pull at my shirt. Next thing I know I feel a pinch and a WASP falls on the floor of the apartment! I run out of the apartment screaming like a girl (I know I'm a girl, but comeon...). I'm lifting up my shirt so I can see where on my stomach it stung me, when all of a sudden I hear someone ask if I'm ok. Its the downstairs neighbor looking at me like I'm psycho. I tell him what happens, and he's no real help. So, I call my mom, she doesn't answer. So I call my dad, hoping that he answers all the while swearing because it stings SO BAD and is swelling! Dad answers, thank goodness, and asks how long ago it happened. I said, "I don't know, a couple minutes" and he goes "ok good, you didn't go into anaphylactic shock." Nope, I'm still alive, but hurting like hell. So he decides to try and call my mother. I tell him that I've already called her and she didn't answer, but its my dad, so he doesn't really listen to me and tries to call her again. It went to voicemail. Shocking dad...really. So, he goes to the internet while I decide to put ice on it. The only remedy we could find online was to put ice on it! True story. So, I guess I had a good idea when I pulled out the ice. And, I guess I'm not allergic to wasps, because you can barely see where I was stung unless you know where to look. Needless to say, I got wasp spray and doused the nest with it before knocking the nest off the door. I don't want anymore encounters with those pesky creatures.

LA

I lived in Los Angeles for about 2 years. Most times I am so glad that I am not living there anymore. That being said...I miss California. A lot. I don't know if it is just this time of year or what, but I really really miss it. This is the perfect weather to walk along the waters edge, just barely letting the water lap over my feed and feel the sun beating down on me. I love California in the Spring.

Mom and I have been throwing around the idea of going to L.A. this summer to visit Emily and to walk around the Grove, and on the beach, and go to Cobras & Matadors for dinner. We will also visit Lala's Argentinian Grill. All amazing, I tell ya. All amazing.

Spring break has been great. I spent the first part of the week camping with Anne and Jeff. It was frickin awesome. I got worried that the weather wouldn't cooperate with us. There was a huge storm that blew through right as we were trying to leave. It rained so hard and so fast that the street by my apartment complex was completely flooded for a good 20 minutes. The water luckily went down as fast as it came up, but it was still a little freaky. The same storm was headed right to where we were going camping, but luckily we got there after the storm and never saw a raindrop the whole time we were there. The weather was simply gorgeous. The sunsets were gorgeous. The fire was gorgeous. Spending time with my friends, was gorgeous. I loved it.

Last night we went out for Holli's 25th birthday. It was fairly awesome, and I loved it. I haven't hung out with her enough lately. I'm going to try to change that. I just get so wrapped up in school...but I shouldn't let that be an excuse to not take care of my friendships.

Today mom and I went to the Modern Museun for lunch. I love eating lunch there with mom. It's greatness. We had lots of great conversation. The one exhibit inside the museum that mom really wanted to see wasn't up, so we didn't actually go into the museum. So, instead we went to Barnes and Nobles and walked around looking at books we'd like to read, then stopped in at Starbucks. Perfect afternoon with mom.

Lots of random stuff...now I'm just going to relax and enjoy my last night of Spring Break. Tomorrow morning/afternoon I need to clean up, and do some homework. I'm sad the break is over so fast.

So...true story:

-i love my mom
-i love austin
-i crave feeling loved
-i hate crying, but need to more often as I get older
-i still think about a couple of my ex's
-past pain still effects me
-i love the rain
-Grey's Anatomy somehow makes a bad day better
-spending a whole day with one of my best friends brings a smile to my face
-'date nights' with friends are amazing
-i love wine
-i love monkeys
-I wan't Dr. McDreamy to be my doctor
-I can't wait for Easter weekend
-I need to lose weight...for real
-i bought lots of clothes today that i couldn't afford...
-i'm buying a tent and sleeping bag this week...that i also can't afford
-i'm having dinner with my parents tomorrow, and can't wait
-i miss him sometimes...and i'll never be able to tell him how much, and that kills me
-even though i miss him...i'm glad he's happy
-sometimes...just sometimes...i want to tell my secrets to the world...but know i never will
-i am so blessed...

and i'm about 88% sure that I failed this content exam that I spent tons of time studying for.

But...the entire class feels the same way...go figure.

I can't fail this class...I CAN'T. I've never never never failed a class, and i will not start now.

Random Update

So here's the thing. I can be somewhat of a perfectionist. However, I am also a huge procrastinator. Yet, I love how it feels to start studying for a test days or a week in advance, it helpe me to really feel like I grasp the information, but that goes against everything that is procrastination. So I feel a sense of disconnect. I really wish that more often I could find the motivation to not procrastinate and to spend so much quality time studying the information I am learning in my classes. The thing is, I LOVE learning, and when I take the time (like I have been for this second New Testament exam) I find how much I really love learning and grasping the information.

Kind of makes me wish i hadn't finished my ethics exam 16 minutes before it was due today. Especially since I do not at all feel comfortable with what I wrote. Granted, I sound intelligent on the exam, but did I really answer the question? No one knows. Everyone that I talked to today when we turned them in agreed that they had absolutely NO idea how they did on the exam because we were given very few peramaters on HOW to frame it. Guess I'll just have to wait until after spring break to find out. The good think about it is, I don't have to worry about it over Spring Break. For once all my midterms are before spring break not after. That is such a nice feeling.

And, now I am about to pass out. 4 hours of sleep last night is fading fast and I need at least 8 before playing with Sky all day , and studying all night.

I'm so ready for spring break...

Ethics

Ethics sucks. Not being ethical, just the class. My ethics class blows nuggets. Not a pretty picture...and not a pretty class.

I'm already exhausted and I only have the intro written for my 8 page paper, over 2 books, only 1 of which I understand. I have Bible Study in half an hour...hopefully it will help me clear my mind enough to come back and be able to pound out my paper by 1 or so. Not holding my breath, but it could happen. It may be a 3-4 am night tonight. I wish I had more discipline to get things done earlier....

Someday maybe. Someday I'll be able to rock and roll and get it all done.

Until then....I shall procrastinate a bit more...

15 IN A ROW!!!

So, i went to the MAVS game tonight! IT WAS AMAZING! This was a history setting game! 15th win in a row! 22 win at home in a row! We've only lost 9 games total this season! How amazing is that?!?

The Magic were ahead more of the game than i would have liked, and I was getting very upset that my boys weren't playing the way I wanted them to...but of course, the second half of the fourth quarter they decided to play a little ball, and we won! 103-98!

Seriously, one of the most fun games I have been to...and for it to be a record setting game, made it even better!

GO MAVS!

In Class

So, I should be paying attention, but in order to look like I am taking notes, I'm going to update my blog instead. I'm all stealthy like that. Then again, I'm sitting in the back row just like everyone else with computers, and none of us are taking notes. But I digress.

I have lots on my mind right now.

I went today to talk with one of my professors about finding a job. It ended up being a very unfruitful meeting. Only because there really isn't anything open, which I already knew. However, it did start to freak me out because I really need money. I'm not doing youth ministry just to get money, but I'm also doing it because this is what I love to do. There is one church opening up in TBA, and one of my friends got a call from them asking him to come interview. So, he is going in to interview. But, he has decided that he would rather not work in a white church. I have asked him to pass on my information, and he said he would.

Also today I got an email from my NTA area minister, and he asked me whether I was looking for a youth minister job as well. So, I told him yes...I really would rather work in TBA, I like it better...but if I don't get the TBA job, I'll take an NTA job so I can get money and do what I love doing. I just don't want to have to drive to Dallas all the time, and in TBA most of the youth ministers all go to school with me, so its great. BUT, I also have to not do things for selfish reasons and really listen to where God is calling me.

I'm scared about the ordination process. It's going to be hard. It's always hard. I'm really scared about going to get a psych evaluation. What if they tell me I'm messed up and I can't be a minister?!? I don't know what I would do, seriously. March 21 at 10 am....keep your fingers crossed for me that I do well there. I have to do well at that meeting to even be able to meet with the regional ordination committee. SCARY!!!

OK...maybe I should try to pay attention for a bit...

An hour

An hour on the phone with my best friend allows me to:

1. hear about the exciting things happening with her
2. Share the awesome weekend I had in Brownwood.
3. Rant about relationships
4. Talk about QAF - our favorite TV show ever
5. discuss our lack of luck in guys
6. Tell memories of when we lived in the dorm, our apt. at Oak Hill, and our apt. by the grove
7. Talk about my sister's adventures in India
8. discuss my trip to see her in W.F. over Easter
9. discuss my need to go out there
10. Her to tell me about her new apartment
11. Talk about Britney
12. Talk about how we miss living together
13. Talk about how we miss each other
14. Talk about how we miss our random talks laying on one of our beds
15. how we miss our random ideas that lead to us doing random trips

and so much more.

Why do we live so far apart from each other? She's seriously my bff.

I'm glad she's doing good in LA, I just miss her being around...living with someone for 6 years and then not living together will do that to you.

Wow

I had the most amazing weekend at midwinter. Honestly, I'm pretty sure words can't even describe the majesty that I felt this weekend communing with and serving God. I would write more, but really, words won't do it justice. All I can say is this weekend reconfirmed a thousand times my love for ministry.

Midwinter

I leave for midwinter in a few minutes. I am so excited about this weekend and just getting away from everything but God. The youth are amazing, and I know that this weekend is going to be truly special.

The theme is Unplugged. Here's to an AMAZING weekend. I can't wait to find out what magic happens.

Lake Brownwood is one of my favorite places.

Pretty Good Day

Today was a good day.

Got emails and a phone call from my sister in India. She's doing well...but very overwhelmed, which is to be expected alone in a foreign country and all. REALLY foreign. At least western Europe is, well...Western. Haha. But India is a whole different ball game.

Also talked to boy. Which was good. He had a bit too much to drink, but its all good. I'm glad he had a good day today.

I leave for midwinter tomorrow, and I couldn't be MORE ready for the weekend. It will be phenomenal. I just hope it doesn't actually rain...even though it probably will.

Tired and my allergies still suck so I can't breathe. It's cool. Time for my lenten journal, and then benedryl!!! Yay!

Ash Wednesday

Today is the beginning of Lent.

I love this time of year. It is a time for reflection and giving up negative things in my life, and adding in positive things.

This year I'm taking away frivolous spending and cokes.
I am adding a daily devotional/prayer journal.

I feel like good things will happen this Lenten season...

From ashes you have come and to ashes you shall return.

another day...another dollar

Today was a better day...overall.

Still upset about my grade in New Testament. The fact that my professor has not emailed me back kind of upsets me, but such is life.

Did better than my friends on our Ethics vocab test...which made me feel good, although it was pretty subjective I believe.

AND...the worship service I am supposed to help plan...the preacher planned for us, which is kind of annoying only because I think it would be awesome to plan the whole service from the ground up. Guess I need to talk to him about scheduling for a different service.

so yes...better day=happier Deb.

Talked to my sister before she boarded her plane in New York. Security took away her facewash and moisturizer. I would die without those, my skin is sooo tempermental. And they took away her toothpaste. Luckily, they sell that in the airport. She also left her camera at the parents house...so, guess we're going to be shipping stuff over to her anyway. Dad said she seemed a little nervous, but not too bad...and mom didn't cry, which is good. Shoot, I'm pretty sure they cried when i went to Europe...but I was crying, so...yeah.

Sky's first 2 teeth have broken through...so, she's been a little cranky. She also got a big dose of shots today...maybe that means she'll sleep a lot tomorrow...haha. Guess we'll find out.

Hits

The hits just keep on coming. In the last 24 hours I've cried 3 times for 3 very different reasons.

anyone who knows me knows I DON'T CRY. I just don't. *sigh*

Life will get better...it has to.

Everything Happens for a Reason?

Is it true that everything happens for a reason, or is that some phrase we overuse in an attempt to mask or deal with the emotions produced in any given situation, whether they be joy or sorrow or pain?


Could it be that things happen, just because they happen? That outcomes are produced simply because, and not for a certain reason? Unless we were to say that the reason is simply the causes that produced the recieved effect.


Either way you look at it, things happen that we don't always particularly like. Although, I would argue that sometimes things do or don't happen because of things we do or don't say or do. At the same rate, sometimes things do or don't happen because of the things we DO say or do.


Perhaps everything does happen for a reason...perhaps I will keep pondering on this.

Rambling to Ramble

At what point is it too much? When is the time that enough is enough? Do I want my hair long or short? How am I going to lose 15 lbs? When is it ok to question EVERYTHING you do? When is it ok to just go with the flow? What can I do to get back the confidence I once had in myself? Where did it go in the first place? Who am I becoming? Do I like this person? Why do I let myself question so many things?

So I basically have a bagillion questions constantly running through my head. Things that sometimes make complete sense, and othertimes they mean absolutely nothing. Times when the questions I am asking make me pause in the midst of my noisy life and really think about the answer. You know the worst part about all of these questions? They are all so self centered. I know to be human is to, on some level, be completely in tune to yourself, and to want to have things be the best for you. But I have taken my call from God, and I am in seminary to be a minister. A minister can be self centered, sure, but they must not put themselves first, for they have a higher duty to serve others. That's what being a minister is, to serve others and to faithfully live a life that Christ would have approved of.

My long term goals are to serve others, to be a Christ figure in the lives of children orphaned by AIDS and genocide in Africa. Some people tell me that is completely selfless, and that they couldn't imagine doing it. What gets me is...I can't imagine doing anything BUT that. Guess that is why we are all different. Not everyone dreams of going to Africa to work in orphanages. But I have moments where I'm not convinced that I do it for selfless reasons. Am I doing it just to serve these children, and the other people in Africa? I don't know. Sometimes the lines are so fuzzy that I can't tell one side from the other. But then I have to wonder, if I am working in Africa, and part of it is selfish...does that negate the purpose I have gone there with? Even if on some level part of that is selfish...I am still planning on helping these people, and THAT can't be denied. Something to ponder I suppose.

There is so much going on in my life right now, and yet at the same time nothing at all. I need a job, badly. I need money to survive in this consumer-driven world so badly that I am willing to do work that I don't really like, just to make ends meet. Is that the rut that MOST American's are in? You have to wonder. Doesn't seem like a very satisfying life to me. Perhaps that is why I would be happy living in Europe. Sure, there are things in America that I would miss...and I would always want to come home here...but there is so much more out there...and sometimes I think I don't fit in, in America.

I don't know...none of this is cohesive thoughts, and perhaps I meant it to be that way...Just thinking about a lot of things...and thinking about life helps me figure life out, little piece, by little piece.

Structured Update?

Hm...one of my friends sends out a structured update on her life using this format. Looks interesting enough, and though maybe it'd help me sum up a week or so.

Although, if I'm honest, it won't last many weeks in a row, cuz I tend to be TERRIBLE at keeping up trends in my blogging life. We'll see though.

Work/School: Work is great. I love Skylar. I told her mom this week that I was going to kidnap her. She said that was ok as long as I bring her back. Haha. I kinda think though that I wouldn't sleep well if I was worried about a baby all night...probably part of the reason I'm not ready to be a mom. School is...school. I'm not worried at all about 2 of my classes, but I have NO idea how i'm going to pass New Testament. Although, I haven't gotten the grade back on that test yet, so if it wasn't as bad as I fear, then i won't be so worried about the class. Although, I do have to write an exegesis...and that scares the living poo out of me.

Play/Entertainment: Last night a group of us went out to Chili's after our test and had some food and a few drinks. It was good times, and much needed. This weekend I think I'm going to the zoo, and partying with the FloMo crew. However, apparantly we are going to the Dallas Zoo which is no where near as good as the Ft. Worth Zoo. Go figure. It's where Cameron wants to go though, so we will. Either way, much excitement to be had by all.

Friends/Family: My sister leaves for India on Tuesday. I'm excited for her, and kinda jealous. I'm also really sad that she'll be gone for two months. REALLY sad. My sister is my best friend, and yeah. But, we survived through me living in LA for 2 years...2 months should be nothing. Although, India is WAY further away than CA. I can't even make it to the airport because I have class in the morning. However, I bet my professor would understand if I missed class, I just don't want to. That is one of my favorite classes. And, I'd cry at the airport, I don't want to cry.

Love/Dating Life: Well...I guess I'm dating boy. We never have really talked about or tried to define it. So..its nothing except what it is. I can't decide whether I actually like it being undefined, or if I secretly really want us to define it...hm...this one I vary on day to day. If only I really liked this other boy who really likes me...haha.

Health/Fitness: Ok. I've worked out 1 time in the last two weeks. I felt so good afterwards, and yet I have not gone back yet. Slightly annoyed at myself. I really want to start working out more because I would love to work up to a half marathon. How amazing would that be? I'd love it. Anne and I have talked about it. I just need to start working on it to make it a reality. I CAN DO IT. I have faith. Now, lets just start actually doing it. My goal for next week is to actually go 2 times to work out. hahahaha.

The Value of Ranting

So, I have this grant urge to write this entry as a rant about something. I could probably go on and on, and make alot of valid points. I see ranting as a positive thing most of the time. It is a way to express your opinions on a matter that is bugging you, and on some level you don't have to worry about other people's feelings on the matter, its your own soapbox and you can stand on it however you want. Sometimes I feel though, that a rant doesn't get you anywhere other than more upset. Sometimes the rant just keeps you circling in one spot losing the ability to see anything other than the bubble you've created, and that isn't healthy.

Man do I want to rant about this...

However, I am resisting the urge. The more I rant about it, the more annoyed/frustrated I get about it and I don't really want to do that. It's all about self control.

It's almost 9pm. I expected to already be out hanging out with friends because Kirby's birthday is this weekend and I heard rumors that we were celebrating it. BUT...I haven't heard from anyone. Blah.

Friday night at home, is not my idea of a good time. I'm going to finish getting ready, then go to Anne's and decide whether I want to wait for a phone call from the boys, or get a group of friends here together. I wanted to see boy, but I'm not going to sit around waiting for a call...I do like to have a life.

Taize

So, I guess about a year and a half ago while I was planning my Europe trip, I had a friend tell me about Taize, France and the monastery that you can visit there. You stay for a week and worship the whole time, and there are all these activities and such. I remember when I heard about it that I really wanted to make it over there. The only problem was that in the 2 months we were going to be in Europe we had so much that we wanted to do, that taking an entire week seemed like a little more than we wanted to do.

Sometime over the past year this place left my conciousness and I didn't really think about it.

Today, in my Christian Worship class we watched a 45 minute video on Taize. I barely even took notes on the video even though I have to write a paper on it. I didn't need notes, every second of that video was magical to me. It was while watching the video that my passion was reignited. It is moments like those I know without a shadow of a doubt, that serving God is what I am called to do.

After class Katie, Chris and I were down in Weatherly studying before our next classes, when we all got to talking about Taize. We ALL wanted to go. We even were looking at flights and such. So, we decided to go talk to our Worship prof. about maybe putting together a class that goes over there. He was definitely intruigued by the idea and said he will look into what all needs to be done.

I know that if I went, I would be changed for the better. I know that the prayers and the service and the just BEING with God would shape and mold me in ways that I can't even begin to fathom. And who knows what other doors God would open while I am there.

Check out Taize. Absolutely amazing.

YUCK

I'm not even kidding...that test SUCKED. I'm pretty sure that I passed it...but, I didn't do well. And it was impossible to study for, and the next one is going to be even harder.

I know that usually I am harder on myself than professors tend to be (which isn't such a bad thing, really) but, when its a test that is T/F, multiple choice, and matching...you either know it or you don't. I'm so much better on essay tests...

Luckily, I'm not alone. All my classmates were talking about how much that sucked. Pretty much we all think we did poorly. But you know there will be that one person who kills the curve so no one gets one. *sigh*

failure

so i've come to the conclusion that I am going to fail my content exam tomorrow...there is NO way that I will be able to answer 40 questions in 20 minutes over 7 books of the Bible all written by the same person...and with a lot of overlapping information. Not going to happen. *sigh*

There is something wrong with the computers that control the fire alarm system in my apartment complex. That means that for the last 20 minutes I've had a loud voice saying "Attention, Attention, an emergency has been reported in this building, please cease operation and make your way to the nearest exit..." SO ANNOYING.

Oh good. It just stopped, guess that means my rant can stop as well.

Have lots of studying to do today...woo!

awesome

SO...in my frazzled state of trying to study all those crazy vocab words for my test today, I actually DREAMED about the words. I don't really remember the dream, but uh...my vocab words were in it. I woke up all kinds of annoyed. Isn't sleep supposed to be the one place I can ESCAPE from studying? Oh well. Anyhow, I aced my quiz today. God my reading and response for that same class done (although it SUCKED)...and during that class I wrote the paper for my other class that was due today.

Seriously, I was utilizing my time in the best way possible. I really have a hard time paying attention in classes where a) the professor doesn't actually teach and b) the exams are take home essays. Seriously...I'd rather have a class that challenges me and makes me think and pushes me to think and learn than one that I can do it all on my own the night before something is due. Really annoying.

I have one more test on Thursday, and I realized today that my exam on Thursday is only worth 10% of my grade. SO, my stress level has gone down tremendously. However, that does mean that my lack of motivation level has skyrocketed. Go figure.

Tomorrow is Valentines Day. Boy asked what I was doing...and I honestly was like "eating dinner and studying" he was like "that's not what I had in mind for you". Too bad he's not going to be here until Friday. And I get to spend all day Saturday and most of Sunday with him! YAY! It's even better that he's coming HERE instead of me driving to Austin AGAIN! WOOHOO!!! Plus, he's throwing a party at his parents house on Saturday, so I'll get to see EVERYONE! I love my friends. No really...I do.

Plans for spring break seem to slowly be coming together. Athens for a couple days with Tiff just to BE. Then Camping with Anne, Jeff...and maybe the boy. Not sure if he is going to be able to come, but I know he wants to. That would make me UBER happy! Tiff may come along as well. It's good stuff. Of course...the fact that I don't have a tent could cause a Bit of a problem...note to self...borrow tent from Tina.

Ruthi and I played guitar hero for like an hour and a half tonight. Buying that was the best and worst thing I could have EVER done. Haha. Now I like to play that instead of studying...its just another excuse to not study really...and I love it! WOO!

test time...again already?

So...as per usual in the world of school, it is test time again.

This week holds a vocab test in Christian Ethics, a response paper in Christian Worship, and a content exam in New Testament.

I already feel drained this week, and its only monday night.

On the upside...went to a Bible Study group tonight with some great folks, and had some amazing intellectual discussions over Christianity in America and the problems we need to face. VERY stimulating. It was the group's first time to meet, and I am excited to see where God leads us in the coming weeks/months.

Studying the vocab for ethics really sucks...especially because all the definitions are sooo wordy...UGH.

paying bills is the bane of my existence. I wish that all my debt was paid off. Any ideas how I can get lots of money to pay off said bills would be GREAT. Really, if I could pay off credit card before I graduate and have to start paying back student loans would be fabulous. That or, Em gets rich and she will pay off my loans...don't worry, its a deal we worked out in undergrad. She's also going to fund me working in Africa. And...I'm not worried because I know it'll actually happen. I told her she has three years to make it happen. Hahahahaha. Hope she's on my schedule!

Ok...back to studying, this whole avoidance thing doesn't work well for my grades.

A time to celebrate

So...this week was Minister's Week at my seminary. We get the week of classes and are encouraged to go to lectures and worship services to network and spend time with other ministers. I guess I did say hello to some ministers that I've known growing up..but I mainly spent time with friends who I've met through seminary. Amazing opportunities to just hang out with friends. My dad, being a minister, also came over for some of the stuff this week. I love how when we are talking about ministry...my dad and I NEVER butt heads. Its amazing. It really is one of the only things that we both GET about each other. I will cherish it forever.

We had Kayla's bachlorette party tonight. It was a surprise, and AWESOME!!! She really had no idea. So, we gave her lots of lingere and played some games before going out to a martini bar for a few drinks. We ended the night getting taquitos at Whataburger. It was fabulous...and such a great evening!

I got my PS2 and Guitar Hero 1&2 today!! I'm a nerd, I know. I haven't been able to play it much, but I can promise that I will play more over the next few days.

In some ways...I wish next weekend would get here faster...plus, it would mean my papers and tests are over..which would be great!

Super Bowl Sunday

Super bowl Sunday has been a big deal in my family since before I was born. 2 years before I was born the 'Chili Bowl' was born. So, every year during the Super Bowl my family has the Chili Bowl, and we have AT LEAST two kinds of chili and much fun to be had.

2005 and 2006 I missed the Chili Bowl. One is I was in L.A. and one I was in Berlin. I paid 19 Euros last year to watch the Super Bowl live at a movie theatre in Berlin. That 19 Euros got us a free buffet, one drink, and the game on a big screen TV. It was good times, I can't lie.

So, for the first time in a few years, I was back at the Super Bowl. Had my mom's chili...and a ton of other food. My Aunt made a chocolate cake...and I of course got birthday money!

This year was slightly different however. My mom, who gets super bored with football, made up all these random games to play where we could win money. Sometimes it was silly things like: everyone gets $0.10 for a fieldgoal attempt, or $1.00 if the team you picked was ahead at the beginning of the quarter. There were also a million other things you could win money for. So, in the end, I had won $13.75. Not too shabby. I didn't win the big pot of money that everyone puts $5 into...my aunt did. But, who cares. We had a ton of fun getting our dimes and quarters and nickles and dollars. Definitely made the game more exciting.

So overall...amazing chili bowl...I love my family.

OH YES!!!

If I've never said how much I love my parents...let me just say it now...I LOVE MY PARENTS! They were at some benefit tonight and there was a silent auction. One of the items up for grabs was a pair of tickets to see the Mavs vs. Orlando Magic on March 3. So...my mom kept urging my dad to keep bidding on them...and they won! YAY! So, now I have a date with my dad to go see the Mavs game again!!! YES!

I LOVE THE MAVS.

And I love my parents and how they feed my obsessions!!

Song of the Day

So, I didn't know what song to put today...so I just put my iPod on random and this is the first song that played...so, here ya go!

Chocolate

Snow Patrol

This could be the very minute

I'm aware I'm alive

All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen

I can make my first steps

As a child of 25

This is the straw, final straw in the

Roof of my mouth as I lie to you

Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean

I didn't enjoy it at the time

You're the only thing that I love

It scares me more every day

On my knees I think clearer

Goodness knows I saw it coming

Or at least I'll claim I did

But in truth I'm lost for words

What have I done it's too late for that

What have I become? Truth is nothing yet

A simple mistake starts the hardest time

I promise I'll do anything you ask...this time

Home again

So, my trip down to Austin this weekend was great. We really didn't do that much, but it was fabulous to see him. We had a double date dinner with some of his friends where we made homemade chicken marsala and a vodka tomato cream sauce over gnocci. WOW was it amazing. It felt kinda perfect, I'm not going to lie. I'll see him again in 2 weeks. That's not TOO long, which is nice...especially since I left my iPod and my rings there! SADNESS!!! I'm going to feel naked without them for the next couple of weeks.

But, now i'm home alone...and kind of sad. Ending trips sucks.

Today is a MUCH better day. I hate having down days/hours. But its ok...they always end quickly and life goes on...

Talked to the boy for a long time last night. That made me UBER happy. AND, I get to see him this weekend now! YAY!!! Even if its only for a night, its totally worth it, and that makes me happy. However, while I am there we have lots to talk about. Guess we'll see what all comes up with that.

Tonight we are doing a fondue party as birthday celebration for Kayla and I. The best week ever is almost over...but not before a couple more amazing celebrations of it! We will do 2 cheese fondues and 1 chocolate. With lots of yumminess to dip in it! Woohoo! I love fondue. We're also making mulled wine to go along with it all. Should be a fun party...and every one is invited, so it will be interesting to see who all shows up.

Ok, I must finish reading for class now...

Song of the Day

Currently I'm in a really weird mood and missing my best friend. I wish Easter wasn't so far away...although, this song has nothing to do with her...she introduced me to this band, and this song is awesome, and I suppose somewhat fitting to my life.

I Need
Jay Quinn Band

Take these walls,
The fences I've erected,
Tear them down,
Let the corner stone fall,
And are you sure,
Those questions that you're asking,
are you set
For the answers I give.

It's your turn
To let me in your thoughts,
And risk it all,
All that's vulnerable
and as I dig
Through all your little secrets,
Don't be scared about the things I'll find.

CHORUS:
Does anybody know you?
Does anybody want you?
Does anybody love like I do?
Does anybody need you?
Does anybody care?
I promise I will.

I won't judge,
I'm not looking for perfection
I am sure,
The truth is beautiful
And will you run,
Through all that I'm exposing
Will it satisfy all your fears?

Does anybody know you?
Does anybody want you?
Does anybody love like I do?
Does anybody need you?
Does anybody care?
I promise I will.

I said I've heard it all before
It depends on what side you're on
You say I'm outside lookin in
But don't think I know how it feels to be forsaken.

Does anybody know you?
Does anybody want you?
Does anybody love like I do?
Does anybody need you?
Does anybody care?
I promise I will.
Does anybody know you?
Does anybody want you?
Does anybody love like I do?
Does anybody need you?
Does anybody care?
I promise I will.

Baby's Firsts

I witnessed the most amazing thing today! Skylar sat up for the first time by herself! She was laying back and we turned on a Praise Baby DVD and she got all excited and sat forward to watch it better then stayed sitting! I don't think she even realized that she did it! It was SO awesome. It is so weird, its not even my child, and I'm as excited as her mom at all her firsts. I guess I do spend a lot of time with her as well. Strange how much she has changed in the last 3 months, absolutely amazing.

Photo 365

So, my awesome friend KJack told me about this project where you post a picture a day for 365 days....to document your whole life. Anyhow...if you want to check it out...you can find it here. It's fun! So here's to seeing how I see my life over the next year.

Song of the Day

Into the Ocean

Blue October

I'm just a normal boy

That sank when I fell overboard

My ship would leave the country

But I'd rather swim ashore

Without a life that's sadly stuck again

Wish I was much more masculine

Maybe then I could learn to swim

Like 'fourteen miles away'

You're floating up and down

I spin, colliding into sound

Like whales beneath me diving down

I'm sinking to the bottom of my

Everything that freaks me out

The lighthouse beam has just run out

I'm cold as cold as cold can be

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Where is the coastguard

I keep looking each direction

For a spotlight, give me something

I need something for protection

Maybe flotsam junk will do just fine

The jets, I'm sunk, I'm left behind

I'm treading for my life believe me

(How can I keep up this breathing)

Not knowing how to think

I scream aloud, begin to sink

My legs and arms are broken down

With envy for the solid ground

I'm reaching for the life within me

How can one man stop his ending

I thought of just your face

Relaxed, and floated into space

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down Let the rain come down

Now waking to the sun

I calculate what I had done

Like jumping from the bow (yeah)

Just to prove I knew how (yeah)

It's midnight's late reminder of

The loss of her, the one I love

My will to quickly end it all

So thought no end my need to fall

Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean, end it all

Into the ocean, end it all

into the ocean...end it all

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

I want to swim away but don't know how

Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean

Let the waves up take me down

Let the hurricane set in motion (yeah)

Let the rain of what I feel right now...come down

Let the rain come down

Let the rain come down

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

(In to space)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

(I thought of just your face)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

Into the ocean (goodbye) end it all (goodbye)

just another day...

So I was talking to my mom today about some of my thoughts on stuff that happened last night...and she understood why I thought it was weird. She did too. That made me feel less petty somehow. I don't know...its still just strange.

I still haven't talked to boy since Sunday night. It really just makes me sad...I miss him. I know he's busy and he has other stuff...but why didn't he call on my birthday? And he still hasn't called today?!? That sucks!!! Oh well...I guess that's life. The problem is, I'm too scared to say anything because I don't want to mess anything up with him, but if he really cares for me, that wouldn't mess things up. I'm sure something came up...have i ever said how much I hate distance? Because I do.

ANYHOW...Classes today were...good I suppose. I got some really good feedback on the prayer I had to write for my worship class...that made me feel good, especially because I thought it was kind of weak. I'm still not 100% sure how someone can grade a prayer...but I suppose I'll find out!

I'm in kind of an annoyed/cynical mood at the moment...I should snap out of it. No really, I should.

I did find out just now that we are doing the tri-birthday bash on Saturday night to make up for the night of the ice storm! YAY!! And Lindsay is going to make cake...and we are going to have an awesome time. I'm very excited. As long as we don't get any winter mixture this weekend, I'm good to go.

Song of the Day

Hm...in honor of one of my oldest friends sending me an AWESOME CD of songs from our childhood days...

Step By Step

New Kids on the Block

Step by step

Gonna get to you girl

Chorus:Step by step ooh baby

Gonna get to you girl

Step by step ooh baby

Really want you in my world

Hey girl in your eyes

I see a picture of me all the time

And girl when you smile

You got to know that you drive me wild

Step by step

Ooh baby

Youre always on my mind

Step by step

Ooh girl

I really think its just a matter of time

Chorus

Hey girl cant you see

Ive got to have you all just for me

And girl yes its true

No one else will ever do

Chorus

Step one

We can have lots of fun

Step two

Theres so much we can do

Step three

Its just you and me

Step four

I can give you more

Step five

Dont you know the time has arrived

Today

So...Today was my 25th birthday. Well, Jan. 29 was anyway, guess I kind of missed that mark now, but I shall continue to pretend it is still my day. Spent my day with Skylar...I love that little girl...she is absolutely amazing and beautiful. Doesn't like green beans...so don't give them to her. She was just not fun after she had them. She also doesn't like peas...but those she throws up almot immediately. No green veggies for her!

Went to dinner and to Flying Saucer with friends tonight to celebrate. It was a good time. More people came out than I expected, which is a good feeling.

The one person I REALLY wanted a phone call from, I didn't get...and one that I wasn't overly expecting...I got. Funny how that works. And funny how they are best friends. Go figure. So feeling let down right now, but trying not to let it bring me down.

I'm 25...how weird. A quarter of a century...half way to 50...just seems strange. How is it possible that I am 25...so often I still feel like that 17 year old girl who is just starting my independent life. In a lot of ways I am still that girl...but in so many others, I'm nothing like her. Hm...yeah.

Lots to look forward to this week....it should be good.

Song of the Day

Well, today is Sunday...and I have church tonight, so I thought one of my favorite praise songs is appropriate for today.

Undignified

David Crowder Band

I will dance

I will sing

To be mad

For my King

Nothing Lord

Is hindering

This passion in my soul

Chorus:And I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Some may say

It's foolishness

But I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Leave my pride

By my side

And I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Some may sayIt's foolishness

But I'll become

Even more undignified than this

Than this

La, la, la, la, la, HEY!

La, la, la, la, la

La, la, la, la, la, HEY!

La, la, la, la, la

It's all for You my Lord!

Bliss

Yesterday morning started very early. I woke up at 8am on my own, my migraine still with me. Which was annoying in itself. However, I had a busy day planned and tried not to let that mess with me too much. I spent the next few hours cleaning my room and doing laundry and such. SUCH a good feeling to have a very clean room. There are a few more things that I need to do, but...for the most part, I'm loving it. =o)

The afternoon found me with some friends at the movie Catch and Release, which was fairly awesome...I love those kind of movies. Especially when they end they way I want them to! haha. It was good.

Then my parents came bearing gifts!! YAY! So my new bed frame is all set up, and I got some really nice new sheets to go with it. It was blissful to sleep in! Simply blissful!

Talked to the boy yesterday and made plans for another trip down to Austin to see him! Yay! I wish he could come up here, but that is just harder. He will though! The first weekend in March. So, I'll see him 3 out of 4 weekends starting right after Valentines Day! I'm going to get spoiled! But, that is the kind of spoiled I like to be. Maybe we'll figure out exactly what we are/what we want to be. The distance is the hardest part...

Today is going to be good. I feel it.

Song of the Day

So, I love music and I feel certain songs on certain days...they just get stuck in my head and I can't get them to go away. But that's ok!! So, I've decided to share a song of the day...

Today is: It's A Great Day To Be Alive by Travis Tritt

I got rice cooking in the microwave

Got a three day beard I don't plan to shave

And it's a goofy thing but I just gotta say

Hey I'm doing alright

Yeah I think I'll make me some homemade soup

Feelin pretty good and that's the truth

It's neither drink nor drug induced

No I'm just doin alright

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neigborhood

But why can't every day be just this good?

It's been fifteen years since I left home

Said good luck to every seed I'd sown

Give it my best and then I left it alone

Oh...I hope their doin alright

Now I look in the mirror and what do I see?

A lone wolf there starin back at me

Long in the tooth but harmless as can be

Lord I guess he's doin alright

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neigborhood

But why can't every day be just this good?

Sometimes it's lonely

Sometimes it's only me

And the shadows that fill this room

Sometimes I'm fallin

Desperately callin

Howlin at the moon...

Ahwoo!

Ahwoo!

Well I might go get me a new tattoo

Or take my old Harley for a three day cruise

Might even grow me a Fu Man Chu...

Oh Aww!

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neigborhood

But why can't every day be just this good?

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shinin when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neigborhood

But why can't every day be just this good?

Smiles

He makes me smile. Even from 187 miles away...he can make me smile. We haven't actually talked on the phone in almost a week...but we've been messeging each other on facebook. And...he just makes me smile. I'm planning another trip down there, because to be honest, I want to see him. I REALLY want to see him again. He said today that he misses me more than is probably healthy or smart since he is in austin and I am in fort worth. And, that was the most perfect thing ever. I am in the best mood right now, even though I still miss him, and I won't see him for a few more weeks. I wish this was easier, and that there wasn't a big physical distance between us, because then we'd really be together.

Starting something with distance is hard...I know. I did it for over a year, and we didn't make it. We weren't able to rally through, and we had no destination time for when we'd be together. I mean sure, there would be weekends after another year apart...but really, how do you build a relationship on that? He was completely in love with me, and I had reservations. Sometimes, however, I wonder if he was more in love with the idea of me, than of me actually. I know I was with him...for a time. Wow...that's depressing...lets leave that topic alone.

Grey's Anatomy last night...OH MY GOSH. I LOVE that show!!! SO good. And I love watching TV shows with Friends. The only show I watch that the girls don't watch is LOST. I need to get someone hooked on it so that I'm not watching it alone. I think I can get Anne...I hope so anyway! Well, for sure once we get a house that won't be a problem.

Speaking of houses...we get to start house hunting soon!! I'm so excited. =o)

Ok...time to get dressed and eat something so I can run some errands!

Suppa Club, Yall!

One of the things I look forward to and treasure the most is every Tuesday night a group of us get together to have 'Suppa Club'. Its a time for us to just hang out and talk and have a good meal. This week however, noone came forward to host. Instead we went out to Olive Garden. Let me just tell you, I had an amazing time. Absolutely fabulous!! Sometimes it really is the little things that you look forward to every week that make everything amazing.

I had to go to the eye doctor today because Sky scratched my eye yesterday. It hurt SO bad, and I could barely open my eye. Mom freaked out, so hence the visit to the doctor. She put some dye in my eye and said I was fine. haha. So, there goes $40 down the drain. Although, I'd rather spend that than find out later that soemthing was REALLY wrong with my eye. I'm kinda attached to my eye sight. But, I also talked to the dr. about perhaps getting a contact for my one eye that is 20/40 instead of 20/20. Its just bad enough to be annoying. Who knows though, I'd have to fork over $175 to do so. So, I tried to see if mom would pay for it, but she didn't bite that bullet. haha. Oh well.

OK...time to study or something along those lines.

hm...

Why is it that we spend so much time sitting in front of the computer when really the internet is so unrewarding?

Don't get me wrong, I love spending time on the net, I spend hours here every day. That's just it though, I could spend 10 minutes doing my routine...maybe up to an hour depending on how many emails I've gotten and how many people have updated their blogs/myspace/facebook/etc. But checking my daily routine of Gmail-Myspace-Xanga-Facebook-TCU mail-Blogger is an obsession. I check each of them at least 5 times a day. Not sure why....other than I feel the need to be connected to my friends. Well, one of my friends lives next door...about 5 more live in my complex...so really...why the need to spend so much time on the internet. I don't know...and I'm not going to change how I do things, just find it interesting because I realized today how unsatisfying it is for me to do this.

Just a thought.

I should be asleep

instead...i post these meme's.

1. How old will you be in five years?
about to turn 30...dang i'm old

2. Do you think you will be married by then?
who knows...but I'd really like to be

3. How tall are you?
5'5"

4.What do you look forward to most in the next six weeks?
my birthday, seeing Tyler again, getting ready to go camping!!

5. What's the last movie you saw at the movies?
Persuit of Happyness

6. Who was the last person you called?
Em

7. Who was the last person to call you?
Em

8. What was the last message you received?
text -- from Tiff saying "Boo" because I wasn't coming over to her place for prime time TV because I was in class

9. Do you prefer to call or text?
um...i'm a texter...for the most part. Unless it needs to be talked about.

10. Do you have any pets?
nope

11. What were you doing at 12 last night?
writing in my journal..

12. Are your parents married/separated/divorced?
Very happily married...in fact they celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary this year!!!

13. When is the last time you saw your mom?
on Monday

14. What color are your eyes?
grey blue

15. What time did you wake up today?
at 8:35

16. What are you wearing right now?
jeans and a white tank with a pink sweater

17. What's your favorite Christmas song?
Oh Holy Night

18. Where is your favorite place to be?
With friends and family

19. Where is your least favorite place to be?
in a room with a roach

20. Where would you go if you could go anywhere right now?
Austin. or Los Angeles

21. Where do you think you'll be in 10 years?
happy, and maybe in Africa...

22. Do you tan or burn?
burn

23. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
that someone would stab me in the back as i slept

24. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
David and I getting confused about movie nights

25. How many TVs do you have?
I own 2...but only one is at this apartment, my other one is sitting on the floor at my parents'

26. How big is your bed?
queen

27. Do you have a laptop or desktop computer?
laptop

28. Do you sleep with or without clothes on?
depends on my mood

29. What color are your sheets?
tan

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?
there are 5 on my bed...but I sleep on 2 at a time

31. What is your favorite season?
fall

32. What do you like about Fall?
when it is perfect weather for a long sleeved tshirt or hoodies, and the crisp smell in the air

33. What do you like about winter?
the smell of fires in fireplaces

34. What do you like about the summer?
no school

35. What do you like about spring?
going to the botanic gardens

36. How many states have you lived in?
2

37. How many cities/towns have you lived in?
4: Dallas, Irving, Fort Worth, Los Angeles

38. Do you prefer shoes, socks, or bare feet?
bare feet

39. Are you a social person?
oh yes

40. What was the last thing you ate?
a chewy chips ahoy

41. What is your favorite restaurant?
Cheesecake Factory or Saltgrass

42. What is your favorite ice cream?
double dark chocolate with raspberries from marble slab

43. What is your favorite dessert?
brownies or homemade cookies

44. What is your favorite kind of soup?
my mom's chicken tortilla or mom's chicken noodle.

45. What kind of jelly do you like on your PB & J sandwich?
grape

47. Do you like coffee?
sure do

48. How many glasses of water do you drink a day?
a lot

49. What do you drink in the morning?
water

50. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
someone else

51. Do you sleep on a certain side of the bed?
yes, but i'm flexible and can change

52. Do you know how to play poker?
sure do, i'm a relatively smart poker player

53. Do you like to cuddle?
eh...depends on my mood...and who its with

54. Have you ever been to Canada?
nope

56. Do you eat out or at home more often?
at home

58. Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you?
not currently

59. Do you want kids?
yes...but not sure that I want to have my own, definitely want to adopt

60. Do you speak any other languages?
no

61. Have you ever gotten stitches?
not that i can remember...but i have this memory of bumping my chin and needing them, but it may have been a dream - i have SUPER vivid dreams.

62. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
no, however one did come to check me out once when I had my bike accident

63. Do you prefer an ocean or a pool?
ocean hands down...i'm not a huge swimmer...so, yeah. At least at the ocean I can listen to the waves and look out at the majesty of the water

64. Do you prefer a window seat or an aisle seat?
window so I can sleep against it

65. Do you know how to drive stick?
sure don't, i need to learn though

66. What is your favorite thing to spend money on?
TV on DVD

67. Do you wear any jewelry 24/7?
nope, i take everything off when I sleep

68. What is your favorite TV show?
Grey's Anatomy, LOST, Gilmore Girls, American Idol

69. Can you roll your tongue?
sure can!

70. Who is the funniest person you know?
oh, i surround myself with funny people

71. What is the ring tone on your phone?
depends who is calling: Snow Patrol: chasing cars, The Fray: How to Save A Life, and The Ataris: Saddest Day

73. Do you still have clothes from when you were little?
yeah at my mom's

74. What color are your bedroom walls?
boring white...but i don't have a choice

75. Do you turn off the water while you brush your teeth?
no, i'm usually letting it warm up so I can wash my face

76. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
CLOSED...it freaks me out when its open

77. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?
clearly a bear...I'd die faster. Or the bees b/c I could possibly survive...

78. Do you flirt with the opposite sex?
all the time...I'm a natural flirt and don't even always realize I'm doing it.

79. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
honey

80. What is your favorite food?
steak, cheese, pasta...mexican...i love food

81. Can you change the oil on a car?
technically i know how, but i've never actually done it

82. Have you ever gotten a speeding ticket?
ugh, don't talk to me about this...I have a previous post on the subject though

83. Have you ever run out of gas?
no, but i like to drive my car until the gas light is on

84. What is your usual bedtime?
between 12 and 2

86. Do you read the newspaper?
nope...I can't stand the texture of newspaper...seriously I got the chills just thinking about it. It makes me crings. Think: nails on a chalkboard to most people.

87. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?
RollingStone

88. Best comedian?
who knows

89. Do you watch soap operas?
nope

90. Do you think you are a pimp?
negative ghostwriter

91. Favorite fast food place?
taco bell or Whataburger...OOOOH...or In-N-Out

92. Ever been to Vegas?
many times...

93. Do you go to concerts?
i LOVE live music

94. Best concert you have been to?
Pat Green is always awesome...NSYNC put on amazing shows...as did Matchbox 20...ok really, this list could go on and on and on and on and on...I've been to close to 100 concerts minimum

95. Last time you flew in a plane?
oh wow...october when I went to hawaii

96. Met anyone famous?
sure have...when I worked at Cure Autism Now we had big events that celebs would come to. They were always really nice.

97. What will you be doing tomorrow?
babysitting Skylar!

98. How many snowglobes do you own?
i don't think i own any

99. Rode in a limo?
never...want to though

and another one:

001. When's the last time you ran?
uh...I run?

002. Do your jeans have rips, tears, and holes in them?
nope...

003. What are you dreading right now?
paying bills this month

004. Do you celebrate 4/20?
no way - never have, never plan to

005. Only child?
of course not!

006. Favorite ice cream?
double dark chocolate with raspberries and cherry garcia.

007. When was your last doctors visit?
it's probably been too long...I have this irrational fear of doctors

008. Do you get the full 8 hours of sleep a night?
depends on the night. usually closer to 6 or 7

009. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?
depends. Less than 15 minutes most of the time. Unless I shower then at least 25 minutes.

010. "First Loves Are Never Over" is this true for you?
no. although I would say that I have some love for him, although i'm definitely not still IN LOVE with him.

011. Think of all your exes. Would you take any of them back?
unfortunately...maybe one of them.

012. If anyone came to your house on your "lazy days" what would they find you wearing?
pj pants, t-shirt, no make up, messy bun

013. Who was your last kiss?
Tyler

014. Have you ever been on your schools track team?
I was asked to be on track in Jr. High...but I didn't want to go to practice all the time.

015. Do you own a pair of Converse?
no, but I'd love to!

016. Who did you cut and paste this survey from?
Kels

017. Do you eat raw cookie dough?
all the frickin time!

018. Have you ever kicked a vending machine?
I wouldn't doubt it.

019. Don't you hate when the radio ruins good songs by playing them over and over?
wow...I'm glad I don't listen to the radio enough for this to happen

020. Would you rather them play the whole video or just a clip of it on TRL?
currently I could care less about TRL. Back in the day I would have said whole thing.

021. Do you watch Trading Spaces?:
nah

022. How do you eat oreos?:
dunked in milk...or currently loving oreo balls (aka crack balls)

023. Have you ever stayed online for a very long time waiting for someone to sgn on?
i'm sure i have

024. Are you cocky?
i don't think so

030. Could you live without a computer?
sure could. I did when I was traveling Europe (although I did check my email at least 2 times a week...go figure)

031. Do you wear your shoes in the house?
not usually

033. At what age did you find out that Santa wasn't real?
I don't remember it being a big deal. And just for the record, Santa still visits every year...

034. How many phones, house phones and cell phones are in your house?
well, in my apartment I guess there is 1 land line and 2 cell phones...

035. What do you do when you're sad?
talk to my best friends or write in my journal

036. Who would you call first if you won the lottery?
my mom

037. Last time you saw your best friend?
waaay too long...

038. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
umm...how I stress about things I shouldn't.

039. Last movie you rented?:
me personally? I think I rented Leprechaun three halloweens ago. I don't tend to rent movies.

040. Who/What sleeps with you every night?:
mr. monkey and my pillows

042. Pancakes or French toast?
depends. usually, french toast.

043. How do you like your eggs?:
scrambled hard, over medium, poached, fried...i love eggs

044. Are you in highschool?:
not in over 6 years...

045. Is anyone on your bad side right now?
kinda...but I don't think they know it

046. What jewelry are you wearing?
none, i'm getting ready for bed

045. What's the first thing you do when you get online?go through the email, myspace, xanga, facebook, tcu mail, blogger routine...

048. Do you own any TV seasons on DVD
?yes. Dawsons Creek S. 2 &3, Gilmore Girls S1 &2 & 4 &5, LOST S1&2, Grey's Anatomy S1&2, Felicity S1, OTH S1 &2, Firefly, Queer As Folk S1 & 4...

49. Do you watch grey's anatomy?
religiously...

050. How do most people spell your name?
D.e.b. cuz thats what most people call me. or, Debra cuz thats my name. Stupid poeple spell it deborah.

051. Would you wear a boy/girlfriends clothes?:
that would require me to have a boyfriend wouldn't it.

053. What do you do before you sleep every night?
brush teeth, wash face, read, maybe write in my journal

054. What was the first movie that gave you nightmares?
no idea...I don't remember specifically having a nightmare tied to a movie

055. Who's your favorite celebrity couple?
yeah, i don't really care.

056. Favorite 80's teen movie?
sixteen candles.

057. Is Justin Timberlake becoming the next Michael Jackson?
uhm. no. I don't see him as the child molester type...

058. Do you know anyone who wasn't born in the United States?
quite a few actually...

059. Favorite name for a boy?
i kinda love the name Landon...or Logan. Hm...

060. Will you keep your last name when you get married?
probably not...do you KNOW my last name? what a pain.

061. Your favorite restaurant you don't get to eat much at?
MELTING POT!!! and Cheesecake Factory (b/c its far far away)

062. When is the last time you left your house?
um...I left around 5:45 to go to class

063. Do you buy your own school supplies?
sure do!

064. Do you already have your school supplies?
actually, i need a new spiral and new pens

065. Have you ever cursed at a teacher?:
not that i recall...

066. How do you eat your steak?
its not good unless there is still some blood...although I'm not a fan when its rare rare...

068. How do you get to school?
umm i get to CLASS by walking up the hill

070. What noise do you hear?:i
the air blowing and the clock ticking the seconds

071. Would you survive in prison?:
yeah...probably not

072. Next concert you hope to go to?
well, i have GREAT tickets for snow patrol, but I have to sell them...sad

073. What was the last thing you ate?
chewy chips ahoy

074. When was the last time you said I love you and meant it?
to my mom earlier today

075. Who is the youngest in your family?:
me. well, technically my cousin is 6 months younger than me, and his wife is preggo...so, their son will win the prize soon.

076. If all of your friends were going on a road trip, who would be most likely to over pack?yeah, probably me...actually, we'd all be about the same.

077. Do you know anyone with the same name as you?
spelled differently...but, yeah.

078. How many syllables does your name have?:
two. unless we're going FULL name, then its 6

079. What does your license plate say?
letters and numbers, just like everyone else

080. When is the last time you ate peanut butter?:
hm...recently...a couple days ago? I LOVE PB!

081. What service is your cell phone?
sprint

082. What's for dinner?
don't know what i'll have tomorrow

083. What's the last thing you purchased?
lunch at Einsteins today

084. Do your siblings ever pay for stuff for you?
my sister spoils me rotten. i love it.

085. Where is your cell phone?
on the charger on my bed

086. Is your phone on vibrate or ring?
both.

087. What brand are the pants you're wearing?
uh...Levis i think

088. Ever been to Georgia?:
had a family reunion there in 98, and had a work thing there a couple years ago now.

089. Did you have breakfast this morning?
um...a granola bar

090. Do you like marshmallows?
in smores...and rice crispy treats...

091. What irritates you most on the internet?
pop ups... and getting viruses..thats annoying

092. What brand is your digital camera?
Casio...and i LOVE it...its pretty and skinny and black

093. Do you watch movies with your parents?
sure do.

094. Do you wear short shorts?
i rarely wear shors

095. Do you think you could be pregnant?
no chance of that

096. What song best describes your life right now?
eh...the one that does

097 Do you own expensive perfume?
i don't tend to wear perfume

99. Are you taking college classes?:
taking graduate classes...

100. Do your parents know you curse?
hahah, of course

101. Do they care?
nope.

102. Did you see Harold and Kumar go to WhiteCastle:
sure didn't

103. Have you ever been to White Castle?:
nope.

105. Do you like the Phillies?
do i care about the phillies?

106. Do you like sushi?:
nope...and i've tried it more than once. I have however rolled sushi before, which was kind of fun.

107. Do you get your hair cut every month?:
like i have the money to do that.

108. Have you ever made out in front of your parents?
oh yes, but thats a whole long story...and if you really want to know you can ask

109. Do you go online everyday?:
basically