So...true story. Being a Divinity School student I spend a LOT of time reading all things religion. Anyway - one of my classes this semester is Christian Theologies of Religion. I love this class. It fascinates me and makes my head hurt at every turn.

Last week we read this poem...and I absolutely love it.

To the Unknown God (1864)
Once more, before I wander on
And turn my glance forward,
I lift up my hands to you in loneliness —
You, to whom I flee,
To whom in the deepest depths of my heart
I have solemnly consecrated altars
So that
Your voice might summon me again.

On them glows, deeply inscribed, the words:
To the unknown god.
I am his, although until this hour
I've remained in the wicked horde:
I am his—and I feel the bonds
That pull me down in my struggle
And, would I flee,
Force me into his service.

I want to know you, Unknown One,
You who have reached deep into my soul,
Into my life like the gust of a storm,
You incomprehensible yet related one!
I want to know you, even serve you.

--Nietzsche

Anyway. i think it is beautiful...and captures an essence that I think we all often feel...

Been thinking/praying with this poem tonight and thought that I would share.

My head hurts. Like, I've been getting my migraines a lot again. It comes in phases, and I'm not sure why NOW its getting bad again. It is very frustrating however.

I'm babysitting a new little girl. She is PRECIOUS, and I can already tell that I'm going to really enjoy watching her. She is crazy smart...and very very mobile for a kid her age. Plus, it pays well, so I can't complain about that.

Bought Grey's Season 4 today. Now I need to watch it. Not too much longer and the new season will start! yay!

I'm not very exciting today. Oh well.

RISK
Author unknown

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out to others is to risk involvement.
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas, your dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return.
To live is to risk dying.
To hope is to risk despair.
To try is to risk failure.

But risks must be taken,
because the greatest hazard in life is to do nothing.

The person who risks nothing,
does nothing, has nothing, and is nothing.

They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
but they cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.

Chained by their attitudes, they are a slave,
they forfeited their freedom.

Only the person who risks can be free

And - because I feel like it while I watch TV alone at home like a LOSER on a Friday night...

Honesty Quiz
Honestly, how many people have you completely fallen for?
3 - although the love was different with each of them - if that makes any sense

Honestly, what color is the shirt you're wearing now?
blue

Honestly, what's on your mind?
that I shouldn't be eating what I am right now if I actually want to lose any weight this week

Who can you honestly have intellectual conversations with?
just about anyone willing to

Honestly, what are you doing right now?
eating mac n cheese and watching Season 2 of Grey's Anatomy

Honestly, have you done something bad today?
nope - other than not eating all the veggies I should have today

Honestly, do you watch "Shot of Love" with Tila Tequilla?
i've never even seen part of an episode

Honestly, who makes you happy most of the time?
friends, family, people at my church

Honestly, do you want to see someone this very minute?
yes and no - i'm ok being a recluse

Honestly, do you have deep secrets?
like you dont even know.

Honestly, who do you want to kiss?
There is one person...now that you mention it. not so sure he would also want to kiss me though

Honestly, are you an honest person?
I'm not perfect...

Honestly, do you like someone?
I guess you could say that

Honestly, who was the last text you got from?
Anne

Honestly, what are you sick of?
not having as much money as i'd like

Honestly, what do you want right now?
to start the process of finding someone to settle down and start a family with

Honestly, are you desperate?
in no way, shape, or form

Honestly, have you ever made anyone cry?
yes... not one of my finer moments

Honestly, are you normally a happy person?
I think I am... I've been relatively angsty recently

Honestly, what makes you mad?
many things, i try not to think too much though

Honestly, what is your greatest fear?
Failure. Being alone.

Honestly, what would you do if you walked in on your GF/BF(cheating)?
that would involve having one. I'd probably start crying and turn out of the room

Honestly, would you rather have your family member or 1000 strangers?
I guess a family member - what a weird question

Honestly, when was the last time you said I love you?
earlier today on the phone with my sister

Honestly, are you a "relationship person"?
I dont even know - i want to be in a relationship though

Who is the last person you hugged ?
sister

Honestly, if someone came up to you and said your bf/gf is hot, what would
you do?
say "who?"

Honestly, are you in love right now?
uh... no?

Honestly, what color is your underwear?
green

Honestly, what did you do today?
ha - not much. It was a pretty lazy day. I read a lot

Honestly, do you watch Disney channel?
Often

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?
Yeah

Honestly, do you bite your nails?
yeah

Honestly, what is your mood right now?
content

Honestly, do you want someone right now?
oh yeah...haha

Honestly, do your wrists hurt?
nope...creepy

Honestly, does anyone like you?
I have NO idea. I'm sure someone likes me, but do they LIKE me? seems severely doubtful

Honestly, is it going anywhere with them?
read above.

Lets talk about my current frustration level. I'm pretty sure on a scale of 1-10 its at about 112.

Why you ask?

Because, despite the fact that I am most decidedly not a teen girl - I LOVE and am slightly obsessed with the Twilight series. The news about Stephenie no longer working on Midnight Sun because someone leaked it frustrated the poop out of me. I realize that right now she's probably too hurt and pissed to work on it, but to tell everyone she may not finish it?!? Really? When I read the first chapter of this book so long ago, I was SO excited. The series from Edward's perspective was phenomenal. She is so angsty and not so...whiney(?). It brought a dimension to the series that is seriously amazing. I don't know.

The fans had been given absolutely no timeline for when the book was going to come out. So, she could have even taken six months or a year to cool off and get back to writing then finish the book and we would have been none the wiser. Instead, she goes and acts unprofessional and puts up the 12 chapters on the net in order to what? Stop writing the book? Because it was leaked? You seriously are going to hurt your fans because someone that you trusted hurt you? It really does sadden me.

I didn't even want to read the first 12 chapters... I only did because she posted them on her website. I wish I hadn't. I REALLY wish I hadn't. Now I see how wonderful this book was going to be - dare I say that it was well on its way to being the best book she had written so far?

But now it is on hold indefinitely.

Let's hope that after the release of the movie that she gets excited again and gets back in the mood to write more. My hope is that maybe she did this just to...I don't know. Keep her name in the press? As if it wasn't there enough. But maybe this provides a way to get people off her back about the book. Maybe she'll finish it on her schedule and still put it out in a couple years. I would think that she is contractually obligated at this point to finish the book... hm...

And then i have to stop and wonder... why do I care so much?

It seems as though I have deeply neglected blogging recently. In a way this blog is a form of therapy...a place for me to be me without any care whether anyone else cares or not. A place for me to be my angsty self, despite the fact it is the part of me that I like the least. To document one's journey through life is a nice way to leave some sort of imprint in the world, however small it may be.

A random comment brought me back. Perhaps I shall now use this opportunity to revisit this life of blogging. It certainly can't hurt.

And now for some random fun.

YOU CAN ONLY TYPE ONE WORD. NO EXPLANATIONS.

1. Yourself: exhausted
2. Your Lover: imaginary
3. Your Hair: up
4. Your Mother: amazing
5. Your Father: daddy
6. Your Favorite Item: laptop
7. Your Dream Last Night: deep
8. Your Favorite Drink: water
9. Your Dream Home: enough
10. The Room You Are In: mine
11. Your Pet: memory
12. Who You Are Now: minister
13. Who You Want To Be In Ten Years: minister
15. What You Don't Wanna Be: depressed
16. Your Best Friend: emily
17. One of Your Wish List Items: money
18. Your Gender: female
19. The Last Thing You Did: class
20. What You Are Wearing: clothes
21. Your Favorite Weather: cool
22. Your Favorite Book: twilight
23. The Last Thing You Ate: banana
24. Your Life: busy
25. Your Mood: annoyed
26. Your Favorite Store: target
27. Your Favorite Sport: basketball
28. Favorite Memory: europe
29. Who Do You Miss Right Now: him

the weird thing about birthdays....

you try to pretend that it doesn't matter that most people dont remember

but really...you want them to remember...

but nobody REALLY cares that its your birthday except you...and maybe your parents