So I left Austin a day early because of impending weather. Well, I guess the weather hit a little bit, at least enough to make bridges and overpasses not safe to drive on. But, the rest of the roads are fine. But, because the bridges and overpasses are not safe (at least for us Texans who aren't used to winter weather) I am currently missing a party that is a joint birthday party for Tina, Chase, and I. UGH. I hate my life today.
And I'm missing HIM like crazy...and I didn't even call him today even though I wanted to...I'm just a chicken sometimes. I'm so afraid to show my emotions because too often I have been rejected because of me saying my feelings. He is different. I know that. But why am I still scared to say anything, or ask the question that I want to know most? Is it really the fear of his reaction...or my own fear of exposing myself to myself...If I don't ask him, I can pretend that I don't actually feel the way I do. However, if I put myself out there...its not just to get answers from him, but its me making myself be accountable for my own feelings. I don't know that I need this...not at all. But, do I really have a choice?
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Saturday, January 13, 2007
Sometimes I hate the Weather
Austin = AMAZING.
The weather that made me have to leave Austin a day early = EVIL.
I love Austin Texas. It is a city that is alive and fun. It is also a city that houses someone I care deeply for. Actually, a few someones...but I'm talking about one inparticular today. This is someone who I can sit in silence with and watch a classic movie, or yell at a football game with...or have a conversation so deep it gives you chills and ten minutes later we're laughing about something as random as farts. Its interesting...this connection. Its interesting because somehow at the end of this amazing weekend where we laid in bed watching movies and tv for hours, to having some drinks with friends, to walking the dog and making dinner...I was still referred to as the 'friend'. *sigh*. I should not let myself get wrapped up in things...it never fails that my heart gets stung a little bit. Not broken, cuz I don't let myself go completely...not this soon, but stung...cuz it always hurts to hear that when you've had a weekend that felt like so much more. I don't know where I stand on the issue. Actually...I know he feels the same way...but perhaps distance is the issue on that one? I could just ask him...but I'm scared, I'm scared of what answer the asking will bring. Am I ready for that? Are we ever REALLY ready?
I played disc golf today for the first time since my freshman year in HS. It was a BLAST. I need to play that more, seriously. Then maybe next time I go play with those guys I won't suck quite as bad as I did. But it was fun. There was this one hole, that when you step up at the beginning of it you get this perfect view of the Capital building sticking out of the trees. Breathtaking I tell ya. So I want to play here. I bet I can get Anne to go...and Katie too, although I don't know WHERE to play around here...but I bet it can't be that hard to figure out. And then there is that whole thing of buying supplies...hm...I shall look into this more for sure though. Good times.
The weather that made me have to leave Austin a day early = EVIL.
I love Austin Texas. It is a city that is alive and fun. It is also a city that houses someone I care deeply for. Actually, a few someones...but I'm talking about one inparticular today. This is someone who I can sit in silence with and watch a classic movie, or yell at a football game with...or have a conversation so deep it gives you chills and ten minutes later we're laughing about something as random as farts. Its interesting...this connection. Its interesting because somehow at the end of this amazing weekend where we laid in bed watching movies and tv for hours, to having some drinks with friends, to walking the dog and making dinner...I was still referred to as the 'friend'. *sigh*. I should not let myself get wrapped up in things...it never fails that my heart gets stung a little bit. Not broken, cuz I don't let myself go completely...not this soon, but stung...cuz it always hurts to hear that when you've had a weekend that felt like so much more. I don't know where I stand on the issue. Actually...I know he feels the same way...but perhaps distance is the issue on that one? I could just ask him...but I'm scared, I'm scared of what answer the asking will bring. Am I ready for that? Are we ever REALLY ready?
I played disc golf today for the first time since my freshman year in HS. It was a BLAST. I need to play that more, seriously. Then maybe next time I go play with those guys I won't suck quite as bad as I did. But it was fun. There was this one hole, that when you step up at the beginning of it you get this perfect view of the Capital building sticking out of the trees. Breathtaking I tell ya. So I want to play here. I bet I can get Anne to go...and Katie too, although I don't know WHERE to play around here...but I bet it can't be that hard to figure out. And then there is that whole thing of buying supplies...hm...I shall look into this more for sure though. Good times.
Monday, January 8, 2007
Baby
So, I nanny for the most beautiful five month old girl named Skylar. I love children, but I do not want to have my own (at least not now...maybe ever), I'd rather adopt children. Some of my reasons are really selfish (i.e. I don't want to gain the weight) and some are deeper (i.e. There are so many children who don't have families who need them, I want to make as many as financially possible - my own).
But watching a baby grow up is truly an amazing thing. Skylar was born 5 weeks early, so on a lot of things she is developmentally a little behind her five months. She's very smart, don't get me wrong...but she should have been able to roll over at 4 months, and she hadn't. However...last week Skylar rolled over for the first time. What an amazing thing to witness! The wonders of new life never cease.
It is strange watching a child grow because on one level you want them to stay small...because they are so precious...but each new development is so amazing how could someone NOT want to witness that. It is amazing.
Babies are amazing.
Skylar is amazing.
But watching a baby grow up is truly an amazing thing. Skylar was born 5 weeks early, so on a lot of things she is developmentally a little behind her five months. She's very smart, don't get me wrong...but she should have been able to roll over at 4 months, and she hadn't. However...last week Skylar rolled over for the first time. What an amazing thing to witness! The wonders of new life never cease.
It is strange watching a child grow because on one level you want them to stay small...because they are so precious...but each new development is so amazing how could someone NOT want to witness that. It is amazing.
Babies are amazing.
Skylar is amazing.
blah
I've been in a weird mood today. Not really sure what is up...but I think I'm THINKING too much. I'm thinking about all these emotions I am having, and I'm not sure I like who I am sometimes right now.
Granted, for the most part I am happy, and I love the direction that God is sending me...but I am completely a work in progress...and sometimes that progress goes a little slower than I would like. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am just ready to get back into the process of school...I miss the structure that it provides in my life. I am about to start a second job, and that will be nice as well...should double my current income, which is amazing...maybe I'll be able to keep my head above water more, and maybe even get out of some debt! Which would rock.
Kind of a downer post...guess it goes with my mood. Maybe I should just go to bed, and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Granted, for the most part I am happy, and I love the direction that God is sending me...but I am completely a work in progress...and sometimes that progress goes a little slower than I would like. I'm sure a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am just ready to get back into the process of school...I miss the structure that it provides in my life. I am about to start a second job, and that will be nice as well...should double my current income, which is amazing...maybe I'll be able to keep my head above water more, and maybe even get out of some debt! Which would rock.
Kind of a downer post...guess it goes with my mood. Maybe I should just go to bed, and hope for a better day tomorrow.
Thursday, January 4, 2007
More travel opportunities
My sister just informed me that she may be going to India to work for 3 months! I think that is an amazing opportunity. My sister...not so excited about it. However, there is a chance that her company would fly someone over to visit her since she'll be there so long. In which case...I get first dibs! Wow...another chance to see the world!! Now, lets just hope this one pans out! It would be really cool if there was an orphanage near by that I could stop at and help for the day...that would rock. But, I suppose I shouldn't plan too much on that one, not even sure when it would happen.
I may start working with an 11 year old autistic boy. I am very excited about this possible opportunity. I miss working with my special needs kids. And hey, getting paid to do it would also be a nice benefit.
As much as I love having a month off from school, I am beginning to realize that I just don't do well when I have too much down time...so I called my mom yesterday kinda complaining about it just looking for something to do. So she came up with the idea to go see Body Worlds this weekend. I am really excited. It looks so cool, check it out: http://www.bodyworlds.com/index.html. So Mom, Sara, and I are heading over there to spend the day. That means I get free dinner as well! I love my parents, they spoil us!
I may start working with an 11 year old autistic boy. I am very excited about this possible opportunity. I miss working with my special needs kids. And hey, getting paid to do it would also be a nice benefit.
As much as I love having a month off from school, I am beginning to realize that I just don't do well when I have too much down time...so I called my mom yesterday kinda complaining about it just looking for something to do. So she came up with the idea to go see Body Worlds this weekend. I am really excited. It looks so cool, check it out: http://www.bodyworlds.com/index.html. So Mom, Sara, and I are heading over there to spend the day. That means I get free dinner as well! I love my parents, they spoil us!
wow
This totally cracked me up...my sister checks the website daily and lets me know when there is anything good...this one is one of my favorites!
Tuesday, January 2, 2007
New Years
I had an absolutely amazing new years. I was leery of it at first, but it turned out amazing. The party was great. It really was like old times hanging out with that crew and partying like rock stars. The super young people weren't there, and I knew 90% of the people there! Which was awesome, cuz there was a good 30-40 people probably. I drank champagne and was kissed at midnight. Had a few good long talks in the laundry room...and another one in the garage where it was FREEZING...but that may have been my favorite talk!
The boy left for Austin today. We had tentative plans for him to stop by my apartment today so I could say bye, but he ended up leaving his house late, so really didn't have the time to stop. Plus, there wouldn't have been anywhere for the dog to go. *sigh*. I miss him already, and way more than I expected to. I don't know...I don't know what I want from this, but I miss him and I saw him at like 3am. Go figure. Typical in my life....completely typical. Guess we'll see what happens.
Tomorrow hopefully I'm still having lunch with Nina. I love that girl...she's awesome. She'll be back in America for a month in March. I also got some good quality conversations with Kirby last night, which were much needed...but that boy confuses me. Eh...such is life. Love that kid.
Tonight supper club had an impromptu meeting and we had salmon and asparagus...it was extreamely tasty...I really loved it. So yay! Then we played Trivial Persuit Pop Culture. Jack and Peter totally creamed the rest of us...but Katie and I came in second, we were only missing one pie piece. Haha. It was great fun, with lots of laughter.
I miss Anne...and I miss Emily. I want my friends to come home...too bad I have NO idea when I'll see Em. I need to plan my trip to LA to see her, ASAP. That's what the new year is for.
My only 2 goals for this year are the same for 90% of Americans. I want to eat better and exercise more. Started eating right today...now lets just start working on that whole exercise thing.
The boy left for Austin today. We had tentative plans for him to stop by my apartment today so I could say bye, but he ended up leaving his house late, so really didn't have the time to stop. Plus, there wouldn't have been anywhere for the dog to go. *sigh*. I miss him already, and way more than I expected to. I don't know...I don't know what I want from this, but I miss him and I saw him at like 3am. Go figure. Typical in my life....completely typical. Guess we'll see what happens.
Tomorrow hopefully I'm still having lunch with Nina. I love that girl...she's awesome. She'll be back in America for a month in March. I also got some good quality conversations with Kirby last night, which were much needed...but that boy confuses me. Eh...such is life. Love that kid.
Tonight supper club had an impromptu meeting and we had salmon and asparagus...it was extreamely tasty...I really loved it. So yay! Then we played Trivial Persuit Pop Culture. Jack and Peter totally creamed the rest of us...but Katie and I came in second, we were only missing one pie piece. Haha. It was great fun, with lots of laughter.
I miss Anne...and I miss Emily. I want my friends to come home...too bad I have NO idea when I'll see Em. I need to plan my trip to LA to see her, ASAP. That's what the new year is for.
My only 2 goals for this year are the same for 90% of Americans. I want to eat better and exercise more. Started eating right today...now lets just start working on that whole exercise thing.
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